Personal Blog


Lost in thoughts...

January 22, 2022
   Haven't written on here in a while. Just haven't gotten around to it until now.
   The cold has made its way through. I'm definitely not one for the cold πŸ₯Ά. Glad I don't have to get out in it.
   Covid decided to make a return, the fucktard. 2nd time having it πŸ˜‘. Quarantine and more prescriptions like I needed anymore. I feel like a walking pharmacy, it's ridiculous...
   Today's been ok, just finished watching a movie called Freedom Writers. It was a good movie; hit home a bit and had me tearing up.
   Sometimes movies make you think about where you came from and how far you've come...
   And sometimes it takes someone believing in you to believe in yourself. 
   In the movie their English teacher did and funny enough, as a teen, it was my English teacher who believed in me, who uplifted me about my writing cuz I always loved to write and just made me feel good about myself.
   When you're young growing up in bad places, you think a lot of times that that's all there is, you're just surviving, you're not really living.
   My escape was music and writing and drugs and alcohol. But writing, music and writing was how I let out my pain, my anger, my loneliness, etc.. Still is. And sometimes I just write off of inspiration, sometimes doesn't even have to be anything I'm going through, I just write if the mood strikes...
   When you're young though, kids need to feel someone genuinely cares. I think as an adult too...
   The world is a fucked up place, but love is what makes the world beautiful...
   I don't know what the future holds, I know there's of course gonna be ups and downs, that's life, you ride the ride, but one thing is for sure, I'm always gonna do my best to see the positive out of everything, even when times are down because there's always something to be grateful for if you truly look.
   Here I am rambling, but I'm in my thoughts. Nothing new there, I'm always in my thoughts and my day's just feeling meh, just not feeling it today πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ. 
   My friend's down visiting, been down for a week, she has Covid too, so both in quarantine. I should be in an upbeat mood her being here, but I'm off today, just not feeling it, but tryna push through the day. As well as I'm missing my boyfriend, missing cuddling him, being close to him, falling asleep next to him. Damn Covid...
   But anyhow. Guess I'll end it here and go watch a movie.
   Until next time, I hope you smile...
 

Life & appreciation...

January 12, 2022

  Haven't written on here in a while. Been hand writing in a journal lately. I find I can be more fully personal in it. But I know some of y'all read my posts and I read the few emails I got asking if I was ok cuz I haven't posted in a while, so I decided to post.

   I'm good y'all, lol. I just been personal journaling in a hand journal lately for a bit. Plus had work and my off time I just wanted to enjoy sometime with my love and visiting with my sons when they're able to come visit, so I'm ...


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*Sighs*...

December 12, 2021
   I wish Mother Nature would make up her damn mind whether she wants it cold or hot, I'm getting weathery whiplash.
   Work's somewhat busy, but not bad. Just working with certain people has me on edge. 
   It's disorganized and it throws me off and it's just making my day feel like, not shitty, but aggravating and if I didn't need the hours, I'd be dipping out of here.
   And the open door policy shit, give me a breakπŸ™„, it's like a popularity click gang in here with a lot of people. It's no...

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Fall breeze...

December 11, 2021
   It's like a fall breeze out flowing through the trees, making the branches dance, the leaves flutter.
   The skies have hints of blue peeking through puffy white clouds and the sun is determined to pour down its heat upon life beneath it.
   Birds fly high, soaring effortlessly, gliding above the trees, above the busy earth and the noise below...
   If only the leaves would change those beautiful vibrant autumn colors in the south like up north, how I'd love to get lost in their hues.
   How n...

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Claire De Lune...

December 11, 2021
   Today was busy and not that great. Came home, showered and turned the Xmas lights on on my bed frame and just listening to Claire De Lune. There's different versions, but there's an extended version on YouTube where a silhouette of a man is sitting at a piano in front of a huge moon and you just listen to the melody.
  Link:
   https://youtu.be/ea2WoUtbzuw
   I've always loved this song. There's no lyrics, but sometimes you don't need lyrics, you just feel it. Just makes me feel good listenin...

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A lil chat...

December 10, 2021
   Rough start to the day and a coworker has me biting my tongue. πŸ˜‘
   Some people can be cool as people, but working with them is a whole different story and I'm starting to get fed up. 
The problem is, if I speak up, it's gonna cause tension in the workplace creating a bigger problem, so I hold my tongue for now.
   But there's gonna be a day when shit hits the fan. But then again, with how things work around here, it's not worth the commotion πŸ˜’.
   Just tired of the bullshit...
   Put in ...

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My mind's on overdrive...

December 9, 2021
   My thoughts have been on overdrive today. Last night was the first time in a while I really got fucked up from drinking too much. I mean I've drank recently to the tipsy goofy point, but last night I don't remember parts of the night.
   Although I remember hurling a couple of times πŸ™„, ick. Haven't done that in a while from drinking either.
   The work day yesterday was a bit shitty, but that wasn't the reason I drank. And just because someone else I knew was drinking wasn't the reason I ...

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We're all a little judgemental...

December 8, 2021
   Hmm, maybe I got a little more on my mind today than I thought...
   We're all a little judgemental sometimes and whoever says they're not or haven't been is a damn liar.
   I'm gonna admit I have been lately towards a coworker, not out loud, but although this person doesn't do what they're supposed to do, something in her eyes today had me taken back a bit. The young perky self she is wasn't there today and it bothers me.
   Of course I get frustrated when I'm in charge and I'm responsible f...

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Not a good day, but not a bad day, just...

December 8, 2021
   Today's been ok so far I guess. Not necessarily a bad day, but not really a good day either. Considering trying to use my vacation time soon. Maybe I just need a breather from work for a week or 2.
   Yet part of me knows I'm gonna be bored as hell not knowing what to do with myself. But gonna have to use it some time or another or lose it. 
Don't know... 
   I really should be cutting back on these monsters I've been drinking, lol, I'm drinking a 3rd one today at the moment. They're just so ...

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Focus on the positive...

November 28, 2021
   I think lately I've been focused on the downside of things, letting things get to me when I shouldn't.
   My day's have been blah lately, work's been stressful and the drama around it going on in the workplace has me just irritated, aggravated to say the least, then the not feeling home in my apartment and the tension going on with me and my daughter and the being looked down on, judged and criticized. It all has me in wack I guess you could say.
   My mind's just been all over and I'm somew...

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