Personal Blog


End of the day...

June 25, 2022
   Today started out ok. It was extremely hot. As the day went on, just kinda went downhill. Just one of them days I guess, where at the end of the day, I'm coming home from work aggravated, sweating on top of it feeling gross, tired and aches, just not feeling good.
   I was so annoyed and aggravated today that I think I freaked these dudes out hollering over this really loud squeaky flatbed cart to stop cuz I just couldn't take the sound no more hearing customers rolling around with the damn thing throughout the day as customers were cringing and holding their ears at times and enough was enough, I chased them down with a can of WD40 from the shelf and drowned the wheels of that damn thing while the 2 dudes who didn't speak English were looking at me wide-eyed as I have them the thumbs up to go. Problem solved though, no more damn ear damaging nail on chalkboard speaking.
   Things just piled up on me today, even though I got my shit done, it was just the bullshit that kept coming up on top of customer attitudes, on top of not getting a break on top of my body feeling like it's completely drained and in pain and it was just a shit day.
   Slept mini naps off and on after getting home after showering my day off. Tried watching some stand-up comedy to lift my mood, but just didn't feel like laughing and nothing seemed funny.
   Just one of those days. 
   Wifi people are supposed to come tomorrow. Never liked having strangers, dude's at that inside my home when I'm by myself. Just always felt uncomfortable about that, but hopefully the dude will hurry up and he's not one of those smelly creepy ones.
   Wish I had some vaca days I could take from work. Just be able to get away from the bullshit for a little while while getting paid, but that's not until towards the end of the year. 
   But it is what it is, just gotta deal with the shit days as they come and go. 🤷‍♀️
   On a positive note, got some things to make my place look more homey and put it up yesterday, curtains for all the rooms, some kitchen items and some bathroom items. Definitely does look better. 
Think I'm gonna get me one of those TV headphones thingies so I can watch TV without disturbing my neighbor cuz I really feel limited and I don't like that feeling like I have to tiptoe.
   The walls are thin, don't like that at all, makes me feel uncomfortable.
   But anyhow, guess I've chatted enough. Guess I'll look for something on the boobtube and hopefully fall asleep for a full night instead of mini naps.
   Until next time, I hope you smile....
   
 

Life changes, mindset, goofy thoughts...

June 19, 2022
   It's been a while since I've written here. Just haven't gotten around to it or felt like it lately.
   Yep, as you've probably guessed, I can't sleep. More as I kinda don't wanna go back to sleep after having vivid nightmares. 
   Decided to come home yesterday to give my boyfriend an evening to himself, some him time. I probably need to be doing that more often for him. I love being with him though, and not to say he doesn't love being with me, I know he does, but everyone needs some breath...

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Today's gonna be a good day...

June 14, 2022
   It's been a while since I wrote. Life's just been on it's rollercoaster ride, but I feel like it's starting to go up now.
   Things are looking up...
   I took the steps for myself to stop drinking and I'm doing good so far. My mind's set on staying sober. I really don't wanna spend my drinking and missing out, forgetting moments, not being present and feeling like shit. 
We could be here today and gone tomorrow, we never know and I don't wanna waste it drowning in alcohol and not being fully...

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Skies of gloom

May 21, 2022
   It's a gloomy rainy day. So far the rain's stopped and I'm glad cuz I just wanna be away from people on my lunch break.
   I feel like the sky, the gray gloom and I wish I could leave work cuz I just don't wanna be here.
   I hope it doesn't rain until after my lunch break is over. I just wanna be left alone from all these strangers. I don't feel like smiling, I don't wanna talk to them. And at the moment I'm annoyed at being asked that typical, "Hey, how are you?". It's just a routine of cu...

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Feeling a bit off today 😒🤷‍♀️

May 15, 2022
   Feeling off today 😒. Just one of those days....
   My mind's overthinking about everyone around me feeling like I'm just there, but not needed. If that makes sense...
   I don't really get smiles when I enter a room lately, and I know everyone is dealing with their own shit. Guess I kinda feel a bit alone in mine. 🤷‍♀️. 
   I've been drinking a lot lately and I'm more scared of losing people than I am if alcohol causing destruction to my body.
  But I'm gonna get off alcohol becaus...

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Tryna stay positive...👍

May 14, 2022
      Couldn't sleep, go figure. And it would be a day I'd have work before the ass-crack of dawn. Be nice if I didn't have to go in until later or I was off to get some sleep cuz of course I'm feeling I could sleep now, but would be no point having to get up in a half hour.
   Oh well 🤷‍♀️.
   Had a lot on my mind. Worrying, stressed, feeling the weight of everything and trying to keep everything together.
   Haven't been doing a very good job at it.
   Started drinking more than I shou...

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Thoughts....

April 25, 2022
   I took my dog for a long walk late last night. Up and down the streets, just kept walking until my legs got tired and my feet hurt.
   No doubt my dog loved it. I needed the air and the quiet of the night. I was a lil tipsy, but more relaxed than anything, not drunk. No where near it, just in a mellow state. I love the night, the peacefulness of it. No people out, no noise, just sky and ground and your thoughts. 
   My thoughts were rolling as usual, just everywhere like a cloud, a breeze pu...

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Feeling down...

April 13, 2022
   Can't sleep. Didn't feel good at all all day today/yesterday. Migraine, nauseous off and on all day. Then to top it off, my night just sucked ass. 😥😞
   Got work in the morning, don't know if I'm gonna get any sleep or not. Don't really care. Just feeling down right now.
   I don't like how the night ended, just felt sad by it....
   Feeling sad now😥 and misunderstood I guess...
   It's supposed to rain tomorrow. I'm glad, maybe there won't be as many customers and I won't have to be ...

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Time to start back on a positive note...

April 2, 2022
   Gloomy rainy start to the day. Goes with my mood I guess. Trying to hold onto a positive outlook, but my mind is all over the place. 
   Didn't sleep well at all last night. Between the nightmares, my thoughts, my damn sciatica and just not being able to get comfortable, it was a rough night.
   I did however enjoy getting to spend time with my children and my oldest son's girlfriend. We watched a movie and had some laughs over some old pictures he found when they were little. It was a nice ...

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So close, yet so far...

March 4, 2022
    I feel completely drained today. Probably cuz I didn't sleep any last night on top of the nightmares that's been fucking with my mind from the other night, along with my mind full of thoughts like a non-stop train constantly going.
   The world feels distant, I feel adrift like a balloon in the clouds. Clouds that are gray and gloomy as if rain is to come yet it keeps its distance like the world around.
   There is no smile on this face as I've lost it for a while. Not gone, just lost until...

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