Personal Blog


Night chatter...

October 17, 2021

  Today's been an ok day. Off today and tomorrow. Haven't had a 2 day weekend off in a long while. Can't remember the last time I had a Sunday off.

   Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow yet. Everyone else has plans. Even though I'm off, somewhat thinking of going into work. Kinda don't feel as welcomed at home tonight at the moment and whatever's going on tomorrow and don't really feel like looking at the walls of my room, lol. 

   I should invest in a TV for my room.

   My younger son is leaving for Mexico tomorrow for a week and my older son is leaving for Texas for a few days or a week, not sure yet.

   My daughter's been chillin with her friends and my love is visiting his children, so I'm left with no plans and where I live there's not really anything to do, lol.

   Might just end up going to work πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ. We'll see. Or might get out and go for a walk now that the weather is a bit cooler. If my leg and back doesn't bother me and I'm not lazy, lol.

   Maybe I'll just turn my phone off to keep the temptation from scrolling TikTok and Instagram and such and just take a journal and just write. With everyone busy enjoying their day which I'm happy they'll be enjoying their day, they won't be thinking of messaging me, so I'll just keep it off for a while I guess until I walk back home.

   Funny how we've become so accustomed to our phones when not long ago, ok well maybe it's been some time ago, we used to go about our days without a phone, a text, social media, any of that.

   Now you wouldn't even think about leaving anywhere without it...

   Hell, entertainment back then was watching the pavement crack, walking around *coughs* getting into *cough-cough*πŸ‘€ trouble, lol my bad, I was young and stupid, lol, but you'd see the neighbors fight, watch, the old man who used to ride his bike down the street with a fucked up afro with a bald spot on the side always with a joint in his mouth and a crushed half drunk beer can in one hand humming some weird tune, but he was the nicest old man, lol, but always got into the neighborhood kids about being bad and we all gonna do time like he did. We'd laugh, but looking back now, he was a pretty cool old dude.

   Sadly he got shot during a shootout between two gangs down the end of the street fighting. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time riding his bike. People are really fucked up.

   What's even more fucked up is how everyone just left him laying there to bleed on the street and drove off in their cars.

   I've seen some sad fucked up shit, but so has many people in this world. Many who lived through it, many who are living through it.

  But, think it's time to steer the chatter from that, it's sad to think about stuff like that and I don't want my mind going there. It sometimes does though. I'll think about good people or people who've crossed my life, like that old man who said some wise things that as a kid, you don't really think about it, but as an adult, you're like, man, that person really was a pretty knowledgeable person and I should of listened, etc., and a lot of those people have either been murdered or drug OD'd, lost their lives in some way or another. So it's hard for my mind not to go there sometimes thinking about those people. But I think somehow at some point we incorporate their wisdom sometimes. We understand it...

   Didn't mention his name, we all used to call him Puffy cuz he was always puffin away on a joint, lol, but his real name was Pete. He liked Puffy and once one of my friend's little sister had a name sticker on her shirt from school and Puffy said hello to her and she laughed telling him he read her name tag. And she said he needed one cuz he was nice and everyone should know his name, so she took a piece of paper, wrote his name and got some tape and taped it to his shirt. He wore it on his shirt for the longest time and he'd ride by on his bike and show her he was still wearing it and she'd smile. My friends would laugh saying they couldn't believe he was still wearing it, but I thought it was cool of him.

   ...Might just keep my day off tomorrow and go for a walk with a journal...

   I could use the hours at work, better than being bored at home, but it's been stressful lately and I'm due at 5:15 Monday, so probably should just keep my off day. Plus no telling when I'll get another Sunday off.

   But, honestly, even though I'm off tomorrow as well as everyone else, them being busy just makes this Sunday off feel like any other day off. But, I'm happy that everyone will be having a great day full of smiles and laughter. With all the stress they all deal with from work, long hours, lack of sleep, no time for themselves, I'm happy they're all getting a day to enjoy away from work and with either their friends or the people they love. ☺️

   Think I'm gonna say goodnight. I've chattered long enough.

   Until next time, I hope you smile...

 

Reorganizing

October 11, 2021

  For those of you who read my long-ass posts, lol, you'll probably notice a few of my recent posts have been deleted.

   The reason for that is because I felt I was getting a little too personal, even though I didn't really come out on some things, I tried to be vague, but I still felt it was too much to leave up, so I took it down.

   Another reason is it just felt really down, and I don't want my posts to be full of downer posts. Although I'm still keeping it real and I appreciate the kind e...


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Thoughts of my love...

September 30, 2021

  Had a day off today. Needed it. Still waiting on the internet person to show up who was supposed to be here at 8 this morning and it's going on 5 nowπŸ™„. 

   Day's been good. Non stressful which I needed a chill day. Got a lot on my mind though. But usually always do.

   Been sleeping good lately, of course I always sleep better next to my love. Only thing that seems to continue is the nightmares, just can't seem to shake them. But waking up from them and being able to cuddle up next to my l...


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Hectic day...

September 13, 2021

  Today was hectic, as well as yesterday. Finally was able to start back work yesterday and today. It's been nuts, incredibly busy...

   But I'm glad I'm not sitting at home bored out of my mind sweating and going nuts.

   It was a long day yesterday and today. Yesterday got home and was tired, I fell asleep pretty quick. Staying asleep though, eh, I kept waking up. I'm tired now, but can't seem to fall asleep and I have an early start tomorrow and a long day ahead. Sucks, but what am I gonna d...


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Another sleepless night...

September 10, 2021

  It's one of them nights, I don't think I'm gonna get any sleep and even after taking a sleeping pill, I still can't fall asleep. πŸ˜•

   My mind's on its usual hamster wheel and it's funny I say that because I'm listening to my daughter's hamster running on its hamster wheel at this very moment, lol.

The hamster pretty much sleeps all day then runs on that wheel at night. I guess she's bashful about letting anyone see her running her wheel, lol.

  Luckily tonight doesn't feel as hot as the oth...


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Feeling grateful at the moment...

September 9, 2021

  The sun is setting and the colors in the sky look beautiful. It has streaks of blues, pinks, oranges and grays. I've seen a couple of lightning bolts in the distance and can hear the rumbles of thunder in the distance. A sign of incoming rain maybe, I'm not sure.

   My day's been ok, boring as usual, hot as usual and power's still out. Wanting to go back to work, but I have to wait the full 14 days after testing positive for Covid before I can go back to work, so I have to wait a couple more...


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Bored mainly, but an ok day...

September 6, 2021

  Couldn't sleep but a few hours last night, or should I say this morning. Didn't fall asleep till around almost 6 then woke up around 9 something this morning.

   Sleep wasn't my friend as usual, neither were my dreams.

   Hot and boring as fuck today. Internet has been shit, but seems to be working for the time being.

   Looks like it might rain out, which is good cuz could use a cool down, but not good for those who had extensive damage to their homes from Ida.

   It's already been a week toda...


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Looking up at the stars...

September 5, 2021

  I can't sleep and lately I've been taking sleeping pills to help me sleep, but I'm getting low on my prescription and honestly I really don't wanna be taking them every night becoming dependent on them. I'd rather fall asleep naturally, which rarely happens. I'm usually up, barely sleeping.

   In truth, I really don't care if I sleep tonight, dreams lately have been horrid, full of death, blood, fear and pain. This morning it sounded like someone was breaking in, pounding on the door as if t...


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Feeling more uplifted...

September 5, 2021

  Day 6 after hurricane Ida, still no power and water goes off and on. And phone service has been shitty and internet, you might get a signal once in a while, but mostly it's been shit as well.

   It's been boring as fuck, but me and my daughter were able to get out of the apartment for a few hours the other day and ride around in the A/C which felt sooo good not only getting out but being able to cool off from the heat for a while and what made it even better is we were with my love and it fe...


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Not feeling that happy lately πŸ˜’

September 1, 2021
   Day 3 after hurricane Ida hit, still no power, but the water finally came back on. It felt nice to finally shower.
   Sitting here bored out of my mind and as the days go by, feeling more and more down, more distant from everyone... alone...πŸ˜’...
   My daughter's here, we rode the storm together until she fell asleep and I pretty much sat alone watching the distruction out my window. She'll come downstairs for a bit, but mostly likes staying in her room. So I'm alone most of the time, star...

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