Personal Blog


Just a gloomy day...

August 24, 2022
   Woke today just feeling down. Kinda been feeling that way all week off and on, but this morning just feels extra. I'm glad it's my day off. Wish I had a few days off in a row, but I'm back at it tomorrow.
   Had my mind set on furthering up, but lately it just feels I'm getting the run around each time I ask when the day the training I was told I was gonna get would start. I get told it'd start one day, that day would come then pass, I'd ask again and repeat. So it just feels like I'm wasting my breath.
   I got a bit of a raise, yet everyone did by some living requirement law or some bullshit thing, but checked today what my check will be this week, lol, literally only $4 more than last check. So really hasn't changed although I'm still grateful.
   I like the job I do, but the environment is full of favoritism, miscommunications, unorganization and any effort put in is never good enough on my end. It's draining....
   I wanna move up so I'm not struggling as well as get out of the area I work. I also wouldn't mind trying something new in a leadership position to see if it's something I would like to do. 
   Would love to have a set schedule and day shift hours. These closing shifts are a pain in the ass and it feels like I'm being shit on with them even though I asked for days yet everyone else got what they wanted anytime they asked and I'm not even considered, I get what's left.
   I wake, go to work, get off, it's time for bed, wake, repeat. My day's gone. I hate closing.
   At least they could be fair and switch us around evenly with days and closings.
   Guess I'm sounding like I'm complaining here, maybe I am a little bit. I don't like to complain, not trying to, but I just gotta unload sometimes. 
   Got a Drs apt today, *sighs*, honestly I don't feel like getting dressed and going, don't feel like doing anything. I'm just exhausted. But I know I need to go...
   Don't really know how today's gonna go, but usually fast on my days off cuz it's the next day having to go back to work I'm wanting my off days to be slow for...
   It's supposed to rain again today. I'm so damn tired of rain. Every fucking day it's been raining. 
   I need to straighten up my place, I'm feeling too exhausted and drained to do that to be honest...
   And I'm tired of hearing my fucking neighbor through the walls....
   Guess I'm gonna end it here. Don't really have anything else to talk about. Just a gloomy day.
   Until next time, I hope you smile...
 

Hello, Mother Nature, bring on your thunderstorm...

July 2, 2022
   Woke this morning feeling down.
   I laid in my bed just staring up at the ceiling for the longest time just thinking, think about a lot of things.
   Kinda cried a bit, not gonna lie. It was just one of those mornings I was just feeling really down.
   I wanted it to rain, wanted it to pour, to go with the feeling of feeling down like the rain pours.
   I wanted it to thunder, to feel the deep thunder rumble beneath me as the rain poured, to go with the feeling of feeling like I'm bottling it...

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What's the Meaning of Life?...

June 30, 2022
   What's the meaning of life?...
   Have you ever thought about that question?...
   Couldn't sleep so scrolled Netflix looking for something else to watch after watching a suspense thriller movie.
I wanted to watch something different and I kinda suck at finding something quick, but I came across a limited series called, 'My Love Six Stories of True Love' and it showed an elderly couple as the cover, so I let the trailer play. The trailer just made me smile because the elderly couple were happ...

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In my head today...

June 25, 2022
   Woke today just feeling blah. Got my wifi on, so that's a plus. 
Just one of those days I don't feel like doing shit. 
   Admittedly I'm struggling a bit today. I'm wanting a drink, but I'm fighting it. Guess when I'm alone and bored, feeling blah, just kinda hitting me today, but I'm fighting the urge. 
I'm taking meds to help with the urges, but today's just been hard. Tryna keep my mind off of it.
   Did check out one of those Zoom AA meetings my Dr suggested. I'm not much for group shit an...

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End of the day...

June 25, 2022
   Today started out ok. It was extremely hot. As the day went on, just kinda went downhill. Just one of them days I guess, where at the end of the day, I'm coming home from work aggravated, sweating on top of it feeling gross, tired and aches, just not feeling good.
   I was so annoyed and aggravated today that I think I freaked these dudes out hollering over this really loud squeaky flatbed cart to stop cuz I just couldn't take the sound no more hearing customers rolling around with the damn...

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Life changes, mindset, goofy thoughts...

June 19, 2022
   It's been a while since I've written here. Just haven't gotten around to it or felt like it lately.
   Yep, as you've probably guessed, I can't sleep. More as I kinda don't wanna go back to sleep after having vivid nightmares. 
   Decided to come home yesterday to give my boyfriend an evening to himself, some him time. I probably need to be doing that more often for him. I love being with him though, and not to say he doesn't love being with me, I know he does, but everyone needs some breath...

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Today's gonna be a good day...

June 14, 2022
   It's been a while since I wrote. Life's just been on it's rollercoaster ride, but I feel like it's starting to go up now.
   Things are looking up...
   I took the steps for myself to stop drinking and I'm doing good so far. My mind's set on staying sober. I really don't wanna spend my drinking and missing out, forgetting moments, not being present and feeling like shit. 
We could be here today and gone tomorrow, we never know and I don't wanna waste it drowning in alcohol and not being fully...

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Skies of gloom

May 21, 2022
   It's a gloomy rainy day. So far the rain's stopped and I'm glad cuz I just wanna be away from people on my lunch break.
   I feel like the sky, the gray gloom and I wish I could leave work cuz I just don't wanna be here.
   I hope it doesn't rain until after my lunch break is over. I just wanna be left alone from all these strangers. I don't feel like smiling, I don't wanna talk to them. And at the moment I'm annoyed at being asked that typical, "Hey, how are you?". It's just a routine of cu...

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Feeling a bit off today 😒🤷‍♀️

May 15, 2022
   Feeling off today 😒. Just one of those days....
   My mind's overthinking about everyone around me feeling like I'm just there, but not needed. If that makes sense...
   I don't really get smiles when I enter a room lately, and I know everyone is dealing with their own shit. Guess I kinda feel a bit alone in mine. 🤷‍♀️. 
   I've been drinking a lot lately and I'm more scared of losing people than I am if alcohol causing destruction to my body.
  But I'm gonna get off alcohol becaus...

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Tryna stay positive...👍

May 14, 2022
      Couldn't sleep, go figure. And it would be a day I'd have work before the ass-crack of dawn. Be nice if I didn't have to go in until later or I was off to get some sleep cuz of course I'm feeling I could sleep now, but would be no point having to get up in a half hour.
   Oh well 🤷‍♀️.
   Had a lot on my mind. Worrying, stressed, feeling the weight of everything and trying to keep everything together.
   Haven't been doing a very good job at it.
   Started drinking more than I shou...

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