Personal Blog


Let's ride the wave...

November 27, 2021
   It's one of those days where you just feel blah, meh, down. I don't wanna be here at work, I don't wanna be around people and I yearn for comfort but there is none at the moment.
   My daughter's on her high-horse and it just kinda pisses me off being looked down on as well as I'm just here to pay bills and that's it. It's a shitty feeling. I know she loves me, but sometimes I feel her mood swings like a blow and it's not cool. But whatever...
   My anxiety is up today, been shaky and I hate it. I wanna drink, I wanna relax, tame the shakiness. Not good or a solution, but I have my days and I'm not gonna apologize for being human. I'm not perfect.
   My thoughts at the moment is as soon as I clock out from work as I walk home or if my love answers, to stop at the store and buy wine and drink it. I don't know, if my love texts back, I'll probably just walk straight to his place. If not, the store is on the way to my apartment. Nothing else to do tonight and I don't really wanna think to be honest and I'd rather just sit in my room and avoid the judgmental eyes of my daughter.
   Everyone wants to judge and lecture instead of be understanding and caring. Sucks ass. And you're there for everyone, but screw up or need someone, you're dropped like you're nothing, judged and discarded. It's cool though. 
   I wanna be held at the moment, doesn't have to be any words said, just held. I want my love,I want his embrace...
   Today sucks ass😞...
   I wish I could stop fucking shaking, fucking anxiety...
   ... It's cold out, I hate the cold. Lunch break is almost over. Wish my shift was over. Wish alcohol would go extinct. 
   Alcohol is a monster that haunts... And more than likely I'm giving in tonight cuz I can't think of anything else and looks like I'm gonna be alone bored by myself tonight anyhow...
   It's cool though, it's another ride, let's ride that wave and I'll ride it as many times as t takes...
   I'm done talking now.
   Until next time, smile for me...
 

Blah...😒

November 21, 2021

  I'll be so glad when my shift's over. Past couple of days have been shitty. I'm really tired of people's bullshit. There's times I wanna speak up, but I'm not about to get fired over bullshit as well as other situations going on, it's not worth the brick wall.

   Tired of hearing coworkers talk shit about other coworkers behind their backs and I know for damn sure when I'm not around I'm being talked about too, I really don't give a shit, but I don't like hearing it about others, it's not co...


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3:33 a m. Wide awake...

November 20, 2021
   Guess it's another night of no sleep. 🤷‍♀️ Oh well, guess I'll down some monsters and coffee today to get through the workday.
   I'd down those monster java mocas today anyhow, those damn things are delicious! I should really cut back though, no doubt drinking too many isn't good for me, lol, but I love the flavor.
   Freezing in my apartment, dying to turn the heat on for a bit, but I'll let my daughter enjoy her artic sleep before she has to be up for work, lol. Although it gets ...

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Another Sleepless Night, Oh well 🤷‍♀️

November 17, 2021

  No surprise, another sleepless night, but I made myself productive this time instead of sitting in my thoughts.

   Not looking forward to work later today and having to close, but at least I'm off the next couple of days, so it's just pushing through today/evening and hoping it goes by fast.

   Kinda sucks that I'm tired that I could probably fall asleep now finally, but there's no point as I'd probably be woken by the people who've been fixing the roof and siding on my apartment. They've bee...


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Shit day, but tomorrow's gonna be a good day...

November 15, 2021

  Today was a really shitty day. 😒

   I went off on a person on the phone, no doubt the asshole deserved it, but I don't like going off on people, it doesn't really feel good.

   Came home and took a long shower or mainly until the water ran cold which really isn't that long. Kinda felt like another fuck you from the long ass day.

   Tried to make light of the day joking around through text with my boyfriend this evening, probably went overboard, lol, kinda do when I just wanna laugh. More as...


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Lunch break...

November 14, 2021

  Today has been nuts so far. It's Sunday, I figured it'd be an overly busy start, but didn't help the malfunctioning of multiple registers and getting yelled at by multiple customers. People can be straight up assholes.😑

   I just suddenly laughed to myself thinking about the TikTok video my boyfriend shared about wouldn't bleaching your asshole be considered changing your ringtone 🤣. Why the fuck people would wanna bleach their assholes beats me, that's weird, lol.

   Is there a bleach ...


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Smiling up at the moon.

November 13, 2021

  It's chilly out early this morning. I'm awake, couldn't fall asleep, but for once it wasn't because my mind was on its hamster wheel or that I slept an hour then woke from nightmares.

No, for once, I'm awake smiling, feeling happy, at ease.

   And although there's a chill in the night/morning air. I'm feeling the warmth within and I'm looking up at the moon and watching it glow. 

   My thoughts tonight aren't of anything other than gratefulness, appreciation, feeling blessed, thankful, full of...


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Just meh...

November 7, 2021

  Forgot the time changed today. Don't really see the point in it. Just makes the day feel longer. 

   Today's been stressful and I can't wait until my shift ends and I can clock out. Off tomorrow gladly. 

   Should be trying to get the overtime, but just been too drained of the workplace, I just don't wanna be here more than I have to lately.

   Although yesterday didn't really have a choice, I worked from morning till almost close.

   I'm just bored with home and work. Work, go home, work, go h...


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Just chatter....

November 6, 2021

  Today's been ok, cleaned up my apartment a bit, but not much else. Kinda been lazy. Bored mostly. It's back to work tomorrow.

   Usually a have a set schedule for the next couple of weeks out, but lately it's been a day or two before last minute, even the night before of knowing what schedule I'm working for the next coming week which I hate last minute shit, I like to know what I'm doing.

   Ordered Chinese food, not sure I really care for it though. Although you bet your sweet ass the ragoo...


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Tryna stay positive...

November 3, 2021

  I can't sleep, my mind's on constant overload and all I want is to be with my love holding him right now instead of this cold ass apartment. 

   Bought a magnetic thing to cover the vent since my daughter likes to keep her artic temp settings. Wasn't very fun trying to put it up to the vent on my ceiling being short. I felt like I could of won a gold medal in the Olympics for my acrobatics in getting that damn thing up there, but at the same time, won worlds dumbest in falling afterwards, bu...


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