Just sitting here in my thoughts as my friend sleeps. LoL, neither of us slept all night and have been up all day running around places. 

She's out like a light, lol, I'm exhausted, but I'm awake.

   Yesterday was a great day, woke up next to the man I love, enjoyed coffee, lunch and watching some movies with him cuddled up next to him and then picked up my son to spend the evening with him and later on my other two children joined after they got off work as well as my older son's girlfriend and my good friend who's sleeping now dropped by and we all enjoyed the evening. Only one person missing from making the my night complete, was the man I love, but I let him enjoy some him time to relax and unwind.

   I miss him when I'm not with him though... 🤷‍♀️ I just do.

   I love falling asleep next to him, cuddled up to him like I'm melting into him, melting into his warmth. He's where I wanna be.

   But I never want to make him feel I'm smothering him either. I just love being with him. I love him.

   After both my sons left and my older son's girlfriend with them, my friend and my daughter had some laughs until my daughter got sleepy and went to bed. 

   LoL, I already knew my friend was gonna keep me up late, but I didn't mind, I enjoy her company and she cracks me up. 

   But we literally stayed up all night, lol, I think I'm getting to old for all nighters. But hey, gotta enjoy the moments in life.

   She's moving in a few days which sucks. I'm gonna miss her.

I know it's not goodbye, but she's moving quite a ways away, so not gonna get the chance of chillin together like we usually do which sucks.

   ...I've never really admitted this in a post, but I've somewhat always been afraid of getting close to people. Mostly because I've been hurt by people, but from loss as well. A viewpoint I used to have was I felt like I was always left behind, forgotten, but I chose not to look from such a negative viewpoint anymore a good while back and learned to accept life and change as it comes. But to say the fear of getting close to people is completely gone, no.

   But I think we all have something we fear, don't we? Even just a little? 

   The important thing is not to let fear keep you from living.

   I've always thought of fear as a self built prison, the more you let fear control you, the thicker the bars get, but the more you face your fears, the thinner the bars get until they dissolve and you're free...

   At this point in my life, I don't think I fear as much getting close to people, I think I'm just more apprehensive in who I let in. I'm an observer, I listen and watch how a person acts and treats others, I get to know their character. And even then, I don't just let just anyone in. If I let someone in, I literally see something genuine and honest about a person.

   My circle is small and I'm good with that because I know deep down they are true and honest and carry love.

   ...I see them... And maybe they might not know how much of them I see, when I look them in the eyes, or when I watch them staring off into the distance or talking about something that made them happy or upset them, etc. Or even no words at all.

   For example, my friend sleeping here, strong, intelligent and wise beyond her years; smiles at the world, uplifts and brightens everyone's day who she comes in contact with even when she's going through things on her own. The world may see just her smile and goofy dancing and laughter, but I can see her fighting spirit smiling through pain on some days. And when she's been disappointed, she's gonna be the warrior she is, standing tall with a smile on her face, determined, yet I can see the disappointment in her eyes. I admire her strength, her positive mindset.

   Same with my children, I can see right through to them, beyond what the world sees, beyond the exterior.

   Same with the man I love. I can see through his gaze, his furrow in his brow when he's staring off in his thoughts, the calmness in his breath or in his heavy sighs. I can feel his calmness in the ease of his relaxed body as I wrap my arms around him or he wraps his arms around me or through an embrace as well as I can feel his tension on a stressful day. I see him, I feel him.

   ... I've never felt so close to anyone as I do with him. Never felt so at home, so comfortable, so safe and at ease. 

And indeed, I've been in love, but with him, it's deeper, it's more meaningful, it's like a beautiful poetry of the earth and the heavens that I don't know how to find the right words for other than it's heavenly and I feel lifted, happy...

   ... Sitting here smiling here ear to ear just thinking about him...

   My friend's still sleeping out cold, lol, not sure how long she's gonna be out. But even though I'm exhausted, I can feel I'm gonna be awake for a good while.

   Yep, definitely gonna miss her goofy ass when she moves...

   But life keeps us moving and we must keep on with it.

   Guess I've jibber-jabbered enough for today.

   Until next time, I hope you smile.