Personal Blog


So close, yet so far...

March 4, 2022
    I feel completely drained today. Probably cuz I didn't sleep any last night on top of the nightmares that's been fucking with my mind from the other night, along with my mind full of thoughts like a non-stop train constantly going.
   The world feels distant, I feel adrift like a balloon in the clouds. Clouds that are gray and gloomy as if rain is to come yet it keeps its distance like the world around.
   There is no smile on this face as I've lost it for a while. Not gone, just lost until the moonlight shines its glow upon my skin again and embraces me with its gentle hug.
   To the distant world the mask is worn like a shield of armor. They see the painted smile, behind, a lack of expression.
   I yearn for the moonlight, but the moonlight is in his shadow and the air is cold even in the heat of the day.
   But I wait for him, for I know he'll shine again because he is the light in the darkness that always comes to shine...
   Sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could fly, fly high above the trees, soar amongst the skies, close my eyes and feel the air hug every part of my skin...
   ...Two doves in a pond, so close yet so far. Close enough to touch yet one dove remains patient for the other... 
   ...So close, yet so far...
   ...One dove swims a little closer, yearning to touch, missing the embrace-
-yet she stills giving space, letting the other dove choose to swim-choose when to come closer.
   Patient dove, waits...
   ...So close, yet so far...
   ...His silhouette calls to her beating heart, her heart craving his embrace, but she feels like he's distant, waiting for the winds to lift him once again...
   ...So she waits, patiently waiting on his healing of weighted wings, craving to fly for him, craving to lift him up. But no, dove sees his strength, knows he'll fly, for her heart has always known so.
   ...So she will wait, patiently wait, as long as it takes...
   ....So close, yet so far...
 

Rising Flames...

February 2, 2022
   It's cloudy, chilly out. The skies are full of clouds, different hues of grays. Mists of rain here and there, a bit of downpour at times.
   The day is full of gloom, like a wilted flower, the petals slowly floating down till there's no more to fall and an empty stem remains...
   Then there's the chill of the air, like an icy lick to the skin, like a reminder of death and life...
   I want to taste the sweetness of the bliss, of the sunshine I miss, the moonlight and the embers that light up...

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Lost in thoughts...

January 22, 2022
   Haven't written on here in a while. Just haven't gotten around to it until now.
   The cold has made its way through. I'm definitely not one for the cold πŸ₯Ά. Glad I don't have to get out in it.
   Covid decided to make a return, the fucktard. 2nd time having it πŸ˜‘. Quarantine and more prescriptions like I needed anymore. I feel like a walking pharmacy, it's ridiculous...
   Today's been ok, just finished watching a movie called Freedom Writers. It was a good movie; hit home a bit and had ...

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Life & appreciation...

January 12, 2022

  Haven't written on here in a while. Been hand writing in a journal lately. I find I can be more fully personal in it. But I know some of y'all read my posts and I read the few emails I got asking if I was ok cuz I haven't posted in a while, so I decided to post.

   I'm good y'all, lol. I just been personal journaling in a hand journal lately for a bit. Plus had work and my off time I just wanted to enjoy sometime with my love and visiting with my sons when they're able to come visit, so I'm ...


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*Sighs*...

December 12, 2021
   I wish Mother Nature would make up her damn mind whether she wants it cold or hot, I'm getting weathery whiplash.
   Work's somewhat busy, but not bad. Just working with certain people has me on edge. 
   It's disorganized and it throws me off and it's just making my day feel like, not shitty, but aggravating and if I didn't need the hours, I'd be dipping out of here.
   And the open door policy shit, give me a breakπŸ™„, it's like a popularity click gang in here with a lot of people. It's no...

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Fall breeze...

December 11, 2021
   It's like a fall breeze out flowing through the trees, making the branches dance, the leaves flutter.
   The skies have hints of blue peeking through puffy white clouds and the sun is determined to pour down its heat upon life beneath it.
   Birds fly high, soaring effortlessly, gliding above the trees, above the busy earth and the noise below...
   If only the leaves would change those beautiful vibrant autumn colors in the south like up north, how I'd love to get lost in their hues.
   How n...

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Claire De Lune...

December 11, 2021
   Today was busy and not that great. Came home, showered and turned the Xmas lights on on my bed frame and just listening to Claire De Lune. There's different versions, but there's an extended version on YouTube where a silhouette of a man is sitting at a piano in front of a huge moon and you just listen to the melody.
  Link:
   https://youtu.be/ea2WoUtbzuw
   I've always loved this song. There's no lyrics, but sometimes you don't need lyrics, you just feel it. Just makes me feel good listenin...

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A lil chat...

December 10, 2021
   Rough start to the day and a coworker has me biting my tongue. πŸ˜‘
   Some people can be cool as people, but working with them is a whole different story and I'm starting to get fed up. 
The problem is, if I speak up, it's gonna cause tension in the workplace creating a bigger problem, so I hold my tongue for now.
   But there's gonna be a day when shit hits the fan. But then again, with how things work around here, it's not worth the commotion πŸ˜’.
   Just tired of the bullshit...
   Put in ...

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My mind's on overdrive...

December 9, 2021
   My thoughts have been on overdrive today. Last night was the first time in a while I really got fucked up from drinking too much. I mean I've drank recently to the tipsy goofy point, but last night I don't remember parts of the night.
   Although I remember hurling a couple of times πŸ™„, ick. Haven't done that in a while from drinking either.
   The work day yesterday was a bit shitty, but that wasn't the reason I drank. And just because someone else I knew was drinking wasn't the reason I ...

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We're all a little judgemental...

December 8, 2021
   Hmm, maybe I got a little more on my mind today than I thought...
   We're all a little judgemental sometimes and whoever says they're not or haven't been is a damn liar.
   I'm gonna admit I have been lately towards a coworker, not out loud, but although this person doesn't do what they're supposed to do, something in her eyes today had me taken back a bit. The young perky self she is wasn't there today and it bothers me.
   Of course I get frustrated when I'm in charge and I'm responsible f...

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