Personal Blog


What are we doing today to improve our life that we didn't do yesterday?

September 4, 2020

     ...What are we doing today to improve our life that we didn't do yesterday or the day before or even a year ago,?...

      I asked myself that during my lunch break yesterday. 

      It was hot sitting outside, yet I found a sense of peace sitting beneath the trees, watching the leaves flutter and branches move to a few slight breezes.

      I wake today asking myself the same question.

      Sometimes it's easy to let things get to you and then there's days things really sink in and it sinks you. But, it's all about refocusing and reminding yourself of who you are and how far you've come in life.

      We all want happiness and i think sometimes we're so determined to grasp it that we're chasing it instead of just living in the present and realizing happiness is in front of you and all you have to do is appreciate life in the moment.

      Of course bad things happen, people get to us, we're human, we feel and there's nothing wrong in that, but i think we have to make it a priority for our own well being to find the positive out of everything, even the bad.

      Happiness isn't about having it all. Happiness is what fills your heart with joy. Being in your peace is happiness. Appreciating being alive and breathing is a form of happiness. And to say I'm always happy, no, I'd be a hypocrite to say I was 100 every day. Some days like every human being can be shit, but it's about letting yourself have that day of going through your emotions and rechecking yourself the next day.

     I think we lose happiness and spiral in depression when we're too focused on what our lives should be and how people around us should be. Indeed people should be kind, thoughtful, loving, all the positive, but fact is that not everyone is.

      There's people in our lives that can drain us because of their negativity and greed and we hold onto them because we care and love them and are hoping that they'll change and even put it on ourselves that if we're there for them and love them enough that it'll be enough for them to get their shit together. Truth is, people can be loved as much as possible, but it's not gonna save anyone who doesn't wanna love or save themselves.

      Sometimes it's about loving and caring from a distance and putting up a road block and not letting the bullshit in. Sometimes it's having to be harsh, not mean, but stern and saying, "Hey, I love you, care for you, but I've done all I could and for my own well being, I'm cutting contact for now. Give me a call when you get your shit together". 

It's not being heartless or selfish because sometimes people think you're always going to be around and they depend on that and it gives them that comfort of continuing the same cycle.

Although I'm not one to abandon, I think it's good to keep out of sight from people, watch to make sure they're ok, but not get involved.

      That's been the toughest for me. And indeed it's easier said than done. But none of us can save or change a person, only they can. Just as it is for us, we can only save ourselves because we want to.

      I do think people can inspire us to change  and motivate us into change and saving ourselves, but when it comes down to it, it's on us and no one else.

      And of course, people can hurt us, bring us down, etc., but we have to take responsibility for ourselves and not letting others get to us or making us feel less than who we are and what we're capable of.

      To touch on another note, things in life can get to us, not just people. Bad things happen, things don't go as we've planned and it can affect us. It's normal, it's life. But I think when we're stuck in "why" is this happening or happened, we create darkness for ourselves and even spiral into depression. 

      Of course depression can be a medical or mental issue, but a lot of times we can create that for ourselves because like I said, we're so focused on how life should be instead of how we can live in the present. We can get lost in why someone else has it better or achieved more and feel like we've failed in some sense, but that's far from true. Not everyone is meant to be at the same point in life and just because someone else seems to be doing great, doesn't mean they are.

      I heard recently someone say, "Why does this person seem to have things come so easily for them? They have a better job, friends and here I am struggling."

That's the thing, we as humans can get lost in how others are living and fail to live in our own life. That's what steals your life, living in the comparison of others instead of appreciating your life and what you've accomplished in your life. You lose your happiness that way.

      It's not about what obtain in life, but about how well you live for yourself and living your truth. 

      Let me ask you, by having what others have, how is that going to make you happy? How is what others have and are doing benefitting you?

      Define happiness?...

      Only you can do that....

      We must live in our own lives and not in the eyes of others. 

A flower does not grow because of another flower, and although it may share the same soil, it must grow on its own. 

      We must take responsibility for ourselves and our own life and focus on the positive. We must create the world we wish to see.

      That's why I brought up the question, What are we doing today to improve our life that we didn't do yesterday?

      We all want to be happy, to love and be loved. So what are you doing today to bring that into your life?

      Today I refuse to let other people's negativity get to me. Today I will focus on the positive. How other people act and feel is on them and their perception of me does not define who I am or take away from who I am. 

Today I will find appreciation in life itself and make the best out of the present. I will not look at yesterday as the past is the past and is unchangeable, and I will not look to tomorrow as that is the future and the future hasn't come to be yet. I refuse to let the negative win and no matter what the day brings, I will take it on with a positive mindset. And if bad comes along, I won't ask "why", I will only say, "I got this".

      Happiness is a sense of being, you cannot chase it, it must be embraced in appreciation. If that makes sense.

      I hope whoever reads this smiles today.

 

Self

August 30, 2020

     I found myself at a loss tonight. Those days you feel low and the past memories sneak up on you and punch you in the face as well as current situations.

      I laid outside and stared up at the moon and stars for the longest time and lost myself in overthinking. Then I decided to get up and take charge of my thoughts.

      Of course there's no changing the past. You can't erase what you've done nor can you bring anyone back from the dead. But sometimes you miss people and sometimes it wr...


Continue reading...
 

Appreciation

August 26, 2020

  Sometimes you have to sit down alone with yourself and really think about life. 

   What is it that you're bringing in to your life?

   It's so easy to get caught up in the disappointments and not being where you want to be in life as well as getting caught up in other people's drama, especially when you can't turn away from the ones you love.

   We have to find peace within ourselves and to do that we must find appreciation for life.

   When we die, we can't take anything with us except the lo...


Continue reading...
 

Here & now...

August 21, 2020

...How did we get here? How do we get anywhere?...

   I found peace staring at the oak across the street. Peace in the sky and peace in the grass beneath my bare feet. Peace within my thoughts for once as beautiful was far too great to let anything negative in.

   I found myself smiling at conversations in the night, found warmth in a compassionate soul connecting to mine. I was alone yet I wasn't because when beautiful hearts and souls share their beauty with you, there's no possibility of fee...


Continue reading...
 

After 2 a. m.

August 16, 2020

   This year is flying by. Now if only this covid shit would pass. I'm tired of masks. I'm tired of all of it. But i guess things won't be normal anymore. Or as they say, "this is the new normal".
   I'm in a mix of an appreciation mode and also in a look-at-the-ceiling-fuck-you mode. Weird mix, but my mind's all over the place tonight. Sometimes I despise my overthinking, then I'm like, nah, it's  the process of trying to figure things out.
   Trying to find the positive out of everything i...


Continue reading...
 

What are You grateful for?

August 11, 2020

   Simple question to ask yourself. What are you grateful for today?

   For me, I'm grateful for all the good people in my life who share love, compassion and kindness. Who accepts me for me and doesn't ask or try to mold me into their expectations. I'm grateful for their smiles, their views on life, their very being.

   But I'm also grateful for the not so good people as you can't have the good without the bad in life. I'm grateful for the lessons and growth I've learned. 

   I appreciate life,...


Continue reading...
 

Another sleepless night.

August 11, 2020

  Tick tock, tick tock, goes the clock. Can't fight the night, ya know that's right.

   ...Corny...

   Skimming through music and listening to music I used to listen to back in the day. From Coolio, 2Pac, Snoop, Bone Thugs, Notorious B, Warren G, to Elton John, Etta James, Eminem, Queen,  you name it. To now, Ollie, Maroon 5, Ed Sheeran, John Legend, Sam Smith, Billie Eilish, etc., and just smashing it all onto a playlist. Kinda been feelin old vibes with music lately. 

   I love the oldies, but...


Continue reading...
 

Night turns to day...

August 6, 2020

  This morning I watched the sky change from night to day. The colors some days are more vibrant than others. Kind of like us, our vibrancy changes like the hues of the sky. But, it's kind of beautiful if you think about it. We're always changing, shifting.

   No doubt my thoughts were running again, but when aren't they. Some nights sleep is an enemy and some nights nightmares like to play. It is what it it.

   As I sit listening to the earth and its occupants wake, watch the trees and the sky...


Continue reading...
 

Tonight thoughts and alcohol won...

August 2, 2020

  Today's just one of those days. 

   I've had too much wine once in a while, but this evening my thoughts got the best of me and I found comfort in stronger alcohol.

   I'm only human and things get to me sometimes. 

   I'm not always just going to post the upbeat stuff, I'm keeping it real and posting my not so positive stuff because I think we can all relate and life isn't always rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. I have my faults just like everyone else. And I don't always have positive day...


Continue reading...
 

Self worth

July 29, 2020

  Have you ever sat and listened to multiple motivational videos or podcasts for inspiration? I enjoy listening to them and watching them because even though we can be empowered ourselves, I find there is always something new to learn and be empowered by others P.O.V.

   There's a quote I really liked, 

   "We would rather stay in a comfortable pain than go seek an unfamiliar peace."

   It's true a lot of times because we do get so comfortable in that cycle that we keep ourselves from moving for...


Continue reading...