I'm sitting here under by the pond just breathing in the air tonight.
   I come here when I'm feeling low, or need to clear my mind, when I need to breathe or simply just to enjoy the night.
   Today I woke feeling off like I mentioned in my last post, I just felt down all day, not ok and I have no idea why. It's just one of them days and I can't explain it. I could use a smile, I really could and I was thankful to get a smile from a friend of mine whose fun uplifting spirit lifted me a bit when I chilled at her place this evening.
   I'm inspired by her, no matter what she deals with in life, she always has a smile on her face.
   But I got home and felt like I was back to the beginning of my day, that sinking feeling, the sadness and the yearning for a smile.
   I wish it would rain right now, I just wanna feel a heavy downpour on me, on my skin, maybe let our a few tears just to release a bit. 
   I hate feeling this way, makes me feel weak even though I know that I'm strong. Hell, I'm a fucking warrior, you better believe it. But, today, I'm just down...
   And mind you, I'm not sad from anyone or anything or what anyone's said or done, I just woke up feeling this way and I don't get why. Once in a while I get these days. I could use a smile, but I'm too stubborn to ask and also I know people have their lives, their jobs and sometimes need time for themselves just to breathe and relax and I want them to be able to enjoy their time. I never wanna be selfish in that way of ever taking that away from anyone I care about or love because I know I can get through down days, I've gotten through them plenty of times and I'll get through this one.
I also never wanna bring anyone down with me or make anyone frown because I'm frowning. If anything I want to make them smile because their smiles mean the world to me.
    ...There are no stars tonight, just clouds, a gloomy night. Again, I wish it would rain... 
   But the ducks are out. Cute lil buggers, funny looking as they wobble about on land, beautiful as they effortlessly and graceful swim across the pond...
   I thought coming here would give me some comfort, but I'm not really feeling it tonight... 
Just not feeling any kind of peace or comfort tonight...
Probably won't stay long. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight and no nightmares will haunt my dreams. But if I don't sleep, it's cool, tomorrow night's a new night.
   Guess I'll say good night. Hopefully tomorrow my mood will be better and the day will be good and I'll find my lost smile.
I'm not ok tonight, but hey, tomorrow's a new day...
   ...Until then, smile for me...