Sleep is a distant friend and I'm staring at its back. But then again, sleep is a hovering enemy giving nightmares and giving pain.

   And I know, dreams are just dreams, but some dreams are vivid memories revisited that I care not to revisit or feel.

   To silence the mind seems impossible, like a constant audio with a broken volume button. 

   One thought leads to another and then another to the point you happen to look at the time and hours have passed. 

   Some days I wish I could just turn my mind off and my feelings off, to go numb for a day, but you can't do that. The harder you try, the more you think, the more you feel.

   To be honest, I think if it wasn't for those few people I have deep love for, who love me in life, I'd probably hit the bottle and drown in it for a bit. But, I don't want to go back to that place in my life. But it doesn't mean the urge isn't there. It's a struggle sometimes I admit, but no, I won't let myself fall into that again.

   And people will never understand that struggle unless they've been there and have experienced it themselves. And sometimes I want to be understood because people can be so judgemental because they don't get it. And I understand people who don't get it, but sometimes you need someone who does, who fully understands the struggle because they're either there themselves are have been there.

   Sometimes I need to smile and those who bring me a smile when I don't feel like smiling may never realize how grateful I am for them, how just a simple smile brightens my day and even gets me through the day. And some days when I feel a warm embrace, how the simplicity of it lifts my soul and hugs my heart and becomes so grand and beautiful.

   And no, I don't need anyone or anything from anyone, I will always be good on my own, I will never need anyone to complete me because I complete myself and love myself, but the beauty of an embrace, a smile and to be loved goes a long way. I want it, but I don't need it.

Need and want are two different things. Sometimes people don't differentiate the two. Like I said, I need for nothing, but want, I do want...

   The day's just beginning, I don't know what today will bring, but I'm gonna make the best of it and hold on to what brings me joy and smiles, those that bring me joy and smiles and let that be my light, my motivation, my inspiration.

   I hope you smile today.