Personal Blog


😒

December 31, 2022
   Haven't written here in a while. Got me some journals to write in, so been doing that cuz I can be a little more personal there.
   Today's been ok. Kinda a slow day cuz of the rain, but it's been ok.
   At least it's not raining now so I can enjoy my lunch break outside.
   Kinda hoped my love would ask to spend my lunch together, but he's busy and probably enjoying some him time.
   Brought my knitting yarn and was planning to knit more hats on my lunch break but just don't feel like it at the moment.
   Kinda feeling a bit down. Just missing intimacy with my love, but I understand. It's tough though cuz it's been a long while...
   Kinda makes me a little sad at the moment and I'm holding in my tears so no one knows or sees my moment of nonsense.
   Was hoping he'd come on my lunch break with a big smile and us just sitting together in the truck until it was time for me to go back in. But it's ok, I don't wanna make him feel smothered by me and I want him to be able to enjoy some him time and relax on his day off.
   Been keeping myself busy at work even though it's a slow day. Cleaning my work area cuz it's been driving me nuts all the clutter everywhere.
   I wish I could move to a different department with higher pay and get away from the front end and all the bullshit that goes with it.
I enjoy my job, but the bullshit kills the joy.
   I really want to advance in this job, but just feels like with the way things are and the favoritism, I'm gonna be stuck where I'm at.
Feels like opportunities are only for the favorites, the click. Everyone else who isn't in their favoritism click just get shit on.
   I'm not happy at this job. The only happiness here is some of my coworkers who brighten the place up. But this area doesn't have much opportunities and I really wanna learn and feel successful and be given a chance to advance. 
   Talking to the higher ups here is like talking to a brick wall, they don't give 2-fucks about anyone but themselves. They see us as numbers clocking in and out and the accumulating paycheck they get from us working our asses off while they watch and criticize everything we do. Unless you're in their favoritism click and then you're free to do whatever the hell you want without consequences.
   It's not cool, not right and not fair.
   But I'll continue to keep trying, asking, bugging for advancement even if it doesn't come cuz I'm not one to sit back with expectations and no effort.
   I think I'm done talking for now and just gonna browse TikTok until my lunch break is over.
   ... Until next time, smile for me...
 

Just needed to unload a bit...

December 17, 2022
   Today was a good day, I got to be with my love today while he worked. I really enjoyed it.
   Not feeling too good at the moment, a migraine has started. Hopefully the headache meds will ease it.
   The evening feels kinda down a bit. I don't like when my love is aggravated and I know it's nothing against me. Although I may have burnt the sub bread in the oven a bit. Made meatball subs, been craving them. Hoping the homemade garlic butter I made to toast the bread tastes good. Kinda just win...

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*Sighs*...

December 2, 2022
   Today's been ok so far I guess... Just not feeling like smiling.
   I can't wait for my vacation time to come so I can catch my breath from work and the bullshit that surrounds it.
   I walk into work feeling heavy as soon as I walk through the doors and I'm happy for those who bring smiles.
   I really like Chantell, a friend inside the workplace to lighten the mood. I miss Loretta who was another coworker friend who left from working here because of so much bullshit. 
I was happy to see Ms D...

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Maybe I'm not ok...

December 1, 2022
   Today's been ok. It was my off day before the next 5 days I'll be working straight.
   I barely felt I had energy today, but it wasn't enough. I did laundry, but just felt drained today. I feel like a failure when it comes to clean cleaning our apartment. I just didn't have the energy today and it makes me feel bad that 8m not doing my part...
   I'm not looking forward to tomorrow going back to work. Lately I've just felt down...
   My heartburn makes me feel like I'm gonna choke and I'm dri...

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Just a day...

November 29, 2022
   It's just one of them days I'm feeling down and can't explain why. Don't feel like smiling and being at work having to smile at customers feels like it's draining.
   Work just feels gloomy and I really don't feel like being around having to smile at strangers...
   My nights have been one nightmare after the other. I know they're just dreams, but they are so vivid they feel almost real.
   All I wanna do at night is cuddle into my boyfriend's chest. I hate pillows, they steal his embrace.
   ...

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Feeling kinda down this morning...

November 27, 2022
   Barely slept last night/early this morning. My brain kept me awake most of the night and when I finally fell asleep it was all nightmares. 
   I felt bad cuz I think I woke my boyfriend up. Don't know if I was moving too much or talking in my sleep or what, but he was asking me if I was ok. 
   I was hoping to come back to bed and cuddle into his comfort, but he was fast asleep turned opposite of me on his comfortable side. Just felt isolated a bit, alone. And I know he wouldn't ever intend ...

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Off day jibber jabbing...

November 4, 2022
   Seems a bit gloomy from the shades of the windows I haven't looked through yet. A 20 percent chance of rain.
   I forgot I had a Drs appt again this morning until I woke up later than the appt time and just felt, the hell with it.
   But after the 3rd time missing my appt no doubt the Dr is probably frustrated at my absence wasting time.
   I know it's essential towards my FMLA at work and it's an obligational dread. Cuz I already know it's the same questions with my, therapist?, psychiatrist...

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Smile for me...

October 19, 2022
   Today's just one of those days when I'm not feeling my best. 
   It's one of those days I'm feeling off, like I feel like shedding some tears, but hold it in cuz I have to go to work and even though I really don't wanna be around customers and people there in general, I have no choice.
   I'm just tired of the environment full of bullshit there and it feels like I'm suffocating and at a standstill.
   Feels like there's no improvement for me there, or mainly I'm not given the opportunity for ...

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It's been awhile...

October 12, 2022
   It's been a while since I've written here...
   A lot has happened since my last entry. Good things and I'm truly grateful and happy for the changes.
   But there's other things not so great. Been wanting to stay clean from alcohol, even getting the monthly shot of Vivitrol, but haven't stayed clean. And I know I could if I truly wanted to, but just haven't lately for no other reason than I enjoy alcohol.
   This morning's blah. Don't feel like smiling to be honest. Late last night was just a...

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Just a gloomy day...

August 24, 2022
   Woke today just feeling down. Kinda been feeling that way all week off and on, but this morning just feels extra. I'm glad it's my day off. Wish I had a few days off in a row, but I'm back at it tomorrow.
   Had my mind set on furthering up, but lately it just feels I'm getting the run around each time I ask when the day the training I was told I was gonna get would start. I get told it'd start one day, that day would come then pass, I'd ask again and repeat. So it just feels like I'm wasti...

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