Personal Blog


*Sighs*...

December 2, 2022
   Today's been ok so far I guess... Just not feeling like smiling.
   I can't wait for my vacation time to come so I can catch my breath from work and the bullshit that surrounds it.
   I walk into work feeling heavy as soon as I walk through the doors and I'm happy for those who bring smiles.
   I really like Chantell, a friend inside the workplace to lighten the mood. I miss Loretta who was another coworker friend who left from working here because of so much bullshit. 
I was happy to see Ms Deborah who's come back, but she's regretting coming back and is looking for another job which I don't blame her...
   A few of the other cashiers are pretty cool and when they're working the same shift as Chantel, me and Ms Deborah, the night turns out good.
   Ms Julie is pretty awesome. She's so tiny but don't let that fool ya, she's a feisty one who speaks her mind. But since I'm always closing, I barely get to chat with her.
   If it wasn't for those few people working here, this place would feel like a coffin, waiting for the nails to be hammered in and slowly suffocating.
   I'm trying to get myself out of this gloomy feeling. I hate feeling this way. 
   I'm running on no sleep from the past night. I was tired, but felt like my eyelids were glued to my head and along with my mind crowded with ongoing thoughts.
   I should sleep well tonight. Just hope I don't have any nightmares. 
   😩 Ugh, it's almost time to clock back in from lunch. But I'm glad for the late lunch cuz usually feels like the time moves faster to closing.
   But, I guess I'll end it here.
   ... Until next time, I hope you smile...
 

Maybe I'm not ok...

December 1, 2022
   Today's been ok. It was my off day before the next 5 days I'll be working straight.
   I barely felt I had energy today, but it wasn't enough. I did laundry, but just felt drained today. I feel like a failure when it comes to clean cleaning our apartment. I just didn't have the energy today and it makes me feel bad that 8m not doing my part...
   I'm not looking forward to tomorrow going back to work. Lately I've just felt down...
   My heartburn makes me feel like I'm gonna choke and I'm dri...

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Just a day...

November 29, 2022
   It's just one of them days I'm feeling down and can't explain why. Don't feel like smiling and being at work having to smile at customers feels like it's draining.
   Work just feels gloomy and I really don't feel like being around having to smile at strangers...
   My nights have been one nightmare after the other. I know they're just dreams, but they are so vivid they feel almost real.
   All I wanna do at night is cuddle into my boyfriend's chest. I hate pillows, they steal his embrace.
   ...

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Feeling kinda down this morning...

November 27, 2022
   Barely slept last night/early this morning. My brain kept me awake most of the night and when I finally fell asleep it was all nightmares. 
   I felt bad cuz I think I woke my boyfriend up. Don't know if I was moving too much or talking in my sleep or what, but he was asking me if I was ok. 
   I was hoping to come back to bed and cuddle into his comfort, but he was fast asleep turned opposite of me on his comfortable side. Just felt isolated a bit, alone. And I know he wouldn't ever intend ...

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Off day jibber jabbing...

November 4, 2022
   Seems a bit gloomy from the shades of the windows I haven't looked through yet. A 20 percent chance of rain.
   I forgot I had a Drs appt again this morning until I woke up later than the appt time and just felt, the hell with it.
   But after the 3rd time missing my appt no doubt the Dr is probably frustrated at my absence wasting time.
   I know it's essential towards my FMLA at work and it's an obligational dread. Cuz I already know it's the same questions with my, therapist?, psychiatrist...

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Smile for me...

October 19, 2022
   Today's just one of those days when I'm not feeling my best. 
   It's one of those days I'm feeling off, like I feel like shedding some tears, but hold it in cuz I have to go to work and even though I really don't wanna be around customers and people there in general, I have no choice.
   I'm just tired of the environment full of bullshit there and it feels like I'm suffocating and at a standstill.
   Feels like there's no improvement for me there, or mainly I'm not given the opportunity for ...

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It's been awhile...

October 12, 2022
   It's been a while since I've written here...
   A lot has happened since my last entry. Good things and I'm truly grateful and happy for the changes.
   But there's other things not so great. Been wanting to stay clean from alcohol, even getting the monthly shot of Vivitrol, but haven't stayed clean. And I know I could if I truly wanted to, but just haven't lately for no other reason than I enjoy alcohol.
   This morning's blah. Don't feel like smiling to be honest. Late last night was just a...

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Just a gloomy day...

August 24, 2022
   Woke today just feeling down. Kinda been feeling that way all week off and on, but this morning just feels extra. I'm glad it's my day off. Wish I had a few days off in a row, but I'm back at it tomorrow.
   Had my mind set on furthering up, but lately it just feels I'm getting the run around each time I ask when the day the training I was told I was gonna get would start. I get told it'd start one day, that day would come then pass, I'd ask again and repeat. So it just feels like I'm wasti...

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Hello, Mother Nature, bring on your thunderstorm...

July 2, 2022
   Woke this morning feeling down.
   I laid in my bed just staring up at the ceiling for the longest time just thinking, think about a lot of things.
   Kinda cried a bit, not gonna lie. It was just one of those mornings I was just feeling really down.
   I wanted it to rain, wanted it to pour, to go with the feeling of feeling down like the rain pours.
   I wanted it to thunder, to feel the deep thunder rumble beneath me as the rain poured, to go with the feeling of feeling like I'm bottling it...

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What's the Meaning of Life?...

June 30, 2022
   What's the meaning of life?...
   Have you ever thought about that question?...
   Couldn't sleep so scrolled Netflix looking for something else to watch after watching a suspense thriller movie.
I wanted to watch something different and I kinda suck at finding something quick, but I came across a limited series called, 'My Love Six Stories of True Love' and it showed an elderly couple as the cover, so I let the trailer play. The trailer just made me smile because the elderly couple were happ...

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