Seems I'm always talking about not sleeping, but I don't always sleep well. Insomnia's a bitch, but I refuse to take any sleeping pills. I'd rather fall asleep naturally.
   No doubt I'm gonna be tired for work later with only getting 2 hours the night before and 2 last night . But that's what coffee is for, lol.
   Wasn't the only thing keeping me awake though. I've never mentioned it, but in the past I used to get bad anxiety attacks and then for the longest time I didn't have them until recently.
   I guess it's been a lot of stressing that's gotten to me lately. Job, bills, funds running low, not being able to do the things I wanna do for those I love and care about due to low funds, noisy neighbors late at night, and a few other things. My mind is on constant play, hamster wheel, but I'm working on figuring it all out. That's life, you push through it until you get through it.
   I've said it plenty of times, but I'm grateful for the good loving people in my life, they lift me and ease me, comfort me just by smiling, just by the simple joys they share. They may never really know how much they mean to me and how much they not only brighten my day, but my life.
   I had an anxiety attack early this morning. I had a great day yesterday, yet it came in the night like a thief of light. It's debilitating, steals your breath to where you feel like you're suffocating and you can't still your shaking body. All you can do is try to breathe and hope it passes quickly. 
   I'm just grateful I wasn't at work or in public. I don't like people to see it. People tend to freak out or pitty and I can't stand people's pitty. Comfort I welcome, but pitty, hell no, you can keep that shit.
   I'm sitting here drinking coffee staring at the Christmas lights. Just next week is Christmas. To be honest, it doesn't really feel Christmasy. Maybe it's just been the chaos of the year, or it's just simply one of those years when you just don't feel it.
   I wonder what the day will hold.
   ...We'll see...
   Have a good morning world, I hope you smile today.