Barely slept last night/early this morning. My brain kept me awake most of the night and when I finally fell asleep it was all nightmares. 
   I felt bad cuz I think I woke my boyfriend up. Don't know if I was moving too much or talking in my sleep or what, but he was asking me if I was ok. 
   I was hoping to come back to bed and cuddle into his comfort, but he was fast asleep turned opposite of me on his comfortable side. Just felt isolated a bit, alone. And I know he wouldn't ever intend on making me feel that way. He was just tired and sleeps better on his comfortable side. I was glad he was able to fall back asleep after me waking him up cuz he doesn't always get enough rest at night and I would of felt bad if he couldn't of been able to fall back asleep.
   But some part of me wished he would of been awake just a little longer so I could cuddle to his chest and feel him hold me.
Hugging the pillow brought no comfort.
   But I was able to fall back asleep for a bit, but not peacefully, another round of nightmares again and I don't know if my boyfriend woke up from me or if it was just he woke cuz he had to pee.
   Got up to pee after him and came back into the bedroom hoping this time I'd be able to cuddle in his comfort, but he was asleep again hugging his pillow like he does when he sleeps.
   So I let him sleep and came downstairs. Don't really wanna sleep anymore and I don't wanna keep him from his rest...
   I'm beginning to hate those damn pillows. Seems the pillows get to be comforted inside his arms against his soft chest more than I do.
   It's been awhile since he's held me to him, my face buried into his soft chest while I feel the warms of his embrace and his breath apon my skin.
It used to be like that every night, cuddle for a while before kissing each other goodnight before he turned into his comfortable side, me wrapping my arm around him and him holding my arm and hand against his chest while I'd press my ear to his back to fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.
Or when he'd lay on his back, I'd get to lay my head to his chest feeling his arm holding me while I listened to his breath and his heartbeat and the comfort and warmth of him.
   ...I don't really remember the last time we laid together like that and I miss it...
   There's still comfort falling asleep next to him, but the pillows come in between...
   ...I miss our deep long kisses... And it's been a while since we shared a deep long passionate kiss. I miss the taste of him...
   We've been living together for a few months now and I was so happy he finally asked me to move in with him. I get to fall asleep and wake up beside him every night and morning and it makes me happy.
   We moved into a new place together and it's US and I love it! I love him so very much!!!
   I just miss some of the things we used to do... But hopefully we'll get back to that soon.
   ... Admittedly, I did shed a few tears last night getting all in my emotions and again this morning when I wanted his comfort after the nightmares I had. 
Just felt alone a bit and a little down...
   I just feel down in general this morning...
   We're both off work together today so hopefully we'll both find some smiles, uplifting and laughter and cuddles together.
   He's always made me smile even on days I don't feel like smiling.
   I'm gonna keep a positive mindset that today's gonna be a good day for both of us...
   Just gotta get over this downer feeling I'm feeling at the moment...
   Just feeling a bit lonely while he's still sleeping...
   Miss waking up cuddling in the morning together and sometimes he'd make us some breakfast and we'd enjoy sharing breakfast together.
   ...I just miss things we used to do...
   ... I'm sitting here wondering what to get him for Christmas as well as my kids... I'm not very good at picking out gifts. Movies either thinking about it, lol. 
My boyfriend usually ends up picking movies which I know he gets aggravated when he feels he's the main one picking movies to watch.
I don't blame him, no doubt it's frustrating for him cuz at times he'd like to sit back while I pick something for a change. But I do try, I'm just bad at it and it's kinda hard too when he's seen a lot of movies.
   But I'm gonna do my best to put together a list today. Which I should stop unloading on here and get started looking.
   So I guess I'm gonna end it here and hopefully I'll have a good list of movies to choose from by the time he wakes up.
   ...As always, until next time, I hope you smile today...