Hmm, twice in one day, guess I'm just in a writing mood today. 🤷‍♀️

   Got some things done today, so I was a bit productive. But my mind won't shut up, as usual.

   Today would of been one of those days where I would of called up my good friend for a day of chillin and some laughter as well as to get my mind of some things, but she moved recently which sucked and I miss her goofy ass.

   Besides my boyfriend, she was the only other person I chilled with as like I mentioned, I don't really like to get close to people unless I feel they're genuine no bullshit kind of people and you really don't find people like that very often. As well as for other reasons of keeping my distance from people.

   And no, if anyone's thinking I'm rude, I'm far from it, I'm kind to everyone, but I don't go making friends with everyone I meet.

   ... Ugh, I feel like throwing this phone & juul across the room. The juul because it keeps shorting out on me, the phone cuz these damn spammers won't quit.

 The wankers have nothing better to do other than to bother folks all day long. I think I'd go nuts if I sat on a phone all day dialing random people.

   Bored and feeling agitated at the moment and I'm not really up for walking around in a crowded store. Plus it's kinda boring when you're by yourself, I kinda like having company when I'm out.

   ...I'm somewhat feeling lonely, but at the same time I'm not, if that makes sense. Or maybe it's feeling a bit down, but not really feeling down and could use a bit of cheering up, if that makes sense.

Hell, it probably doesn't, lol.

   Been thinking about my Papaw lately, I miss being able to talk to him, hearing his voice and his tight hugs and deep laughter. I don't cry or anything, but I miss him from time to time.

   Last time I went to his gravesite, it just felt awkward, empty. I really don't care to go back to be honest because to me he's not there and it's just a decorative stone and ground.

   Kinda feel that way about cemeteries for a while now, I don't really see or feel a reason to go.

   I'm not bashing it or against it or anyone who does, so please don't email me saying I was or am, cuz I'm not, I'm just saying how I feel about it, that I really don't care to visit where anyone who's passed has been buried which is quite a lot of people in my life.

   I don't need a grave site to talk to anyone, I simply talk wherever I'm at. And I really don't even know if they're listening or if there really is an afterlife. 

   I'd like to think there is though. I don't really believe in a heaven or a hell. I think there's an in-between where maybe when we die, we just all come together, at least I'd like to think so...

   I think I need to stop chowing down this $1 bag of Walmart chocolate chunk cookies, stop jibber-jabbering and go get my ass a shower.

   My minds all over and I'm feeling blah one minute, agitated the next and a bit down another. I need to find something to occupy this brain of mine before it explodes.

    Until next time, I hope you smile.