Woke this morning feeling down.
   I laid in my bed just staring up at the ceiling for the longest time just thinking, think about a lot of things.
   Kinda cried a bit, not gonna lie. It was just one of those mornings I was just feeling really down.
   I wanted it to rain, wanted it to pour, to go with the feeling of feeling down like the rain pours.
   I wanted it to thunder, to feel the deep thunder rumble beneath me as the rain poured, to go with the feeling of feeling like I'm bottling it in and letting it go.
   But like the rain passes, I know days feeling like this pass as well...
   I'll get through today like many times before, no biggie.
   Funny thing is, I could have a drink to try to ignore the feeling, to try to ease the mood and feel good, but since I'm determined to stay sober, I'm forced to face the day's gloom and that's how it should be.
   I'm here to face the day's boredom, and that's how it should be because it will always be there to face when the alcohol wears off.
   Since the 13th of last month I've been sober, not a drop of alcohol, that makes 20 days sober today. 
It feels good. Feels good I'm clear minded, out of the fog, not feeling like shit, my body not feeling like it's in pain or shakey and so tensed up trying to hold still around everyone at work trying to hide the fact I not just want another drink, but need it to calm the shakes so I can stop holding myself so still in tension just so nobody sees. Or moving around while tensed up as hard as possible just so it looks like I meant to jerk if it happens like I'm working on something, etc.. I'd be so exhausted and drained and my body just felt in pain and horrible until I got a drink in me and I could finally ease up.
   That shit sucked ass and was no way to live...
   I'm 40 years old, I don't want to spend the rest of my life going through that shit, living life like that.
   Feels great being sober.
   As for feeling down like today, we're all human, we're gonna have them, simple as that.
   Just gonna deal with today and wake up tomorrow for another day if I'm blessed in waking another day.
   And I say that because we really never know when our time's up. We think and expect to wake and live another day, but we truly don't know.
   I'm glad I'm not gonna go out drunk.
   Was thinking about dreams this morning. Not the dreams you have like when you sleep, but the type of dreams you have that you hope for, wish for, strive for, work for, etc.. 
   I mentioned in my last post about what my dreams were.
   I don't know if it'll ever be a possibility, but it's a beautiful dream.
   Sometimes dreams are just that, dreams, and some are able to achieve or be blessed with their dreams, but for others it's an impossibility due to the reality of life.
   I really don't know... Sometimes I wonder if I'm hoping for that dream too much and wanting it that I'm not facing the reality that I might be one of those who's reality makes it an impossibility... 🤷‍♀️...
   I'm not really happy in this place I live, grateful, yes, happy, no. Walls are paper thin and I can hear my neighbor, he can hear me and I know that for sure cuz I heard his clear as day conversation he had over the phone the other day that he mentioned I was loud.
   I'm like, dude, it goes both ways.
Hell I'm scared to fart for the fact that it might sound like the echos of the war horn blowin through.
   This place would be fine if the walls were thicker, just makes me uncomfortable. But it is what it is and I know it's just temporary until my financial ability can sustain me a better place.
   Work's just been feeling like a one-way downward rollercoaster with no way up and I feel like a number stamped mule clocking in and out.
   But doesn't mean I'm giving up trying to go up. I'm gonna be a nuisance until they get tired of me bugging them cuz I know damn well they're gonna keep telling me no or most likely which has been the case, give me the run around that I need to talk to this person and that person, or the famous line, "we'll get back to you on that". Nah, Iiii'll get back with youuu, I ain't stupid, lol.
   Persistence is key, even if they keep telling me no 🤷‍♀️.
   ....Ahhh yes, I can hear the thunder outside.
C'mon rain and thunder, you had me at, "Rumble"...
   I really don't feel like doing shit today. I'm drained and.... honestly, kinda feel like my eyes might join the rainfall...
   Just one of those days. But tomorrow's a new day...

...Hello, Mother Nature, bring on your thunderstorm...

   ... Until next time, smile for me...