It's been a while since I've written here...
   A lot has happened since my last entry. Good things and I'm truly grateful and happy for the changes.
   But there's other things not so great. Been wanting to stay clean from alcohol, even getting the monthly shot of Vivitrol, but haven't stayed clean. And I know I could if I truly wanted to, but just haven't lately for no other reason than I enjoy alcohol.
   This morning's blah. Don't feel like smiling to be honest. Late last night was just a mood-killer. 
You can hear something being said and it changes your day, or night and it just kills the upbeat mood.
   No biggie. And I won't go into it. And I know it was said out of frustration and not truly meant, but words do have a way of digging into you even if you don't want them to and it not being a big deal cuz you know the state of things.
   And I usually don't let things like that bother me, but can't help it did this time...
   I'm not gonna confront the issue as yesterday is gone and there's no point in it and I'd rather leave it alone cuz there's so much more light ahead.
   Alcohol is a monster, the more you swallow, the more the dragon build's its fire.
Things are said, words taken out of context and we become the worst side of ourselves...
   Yet, I still drink, watch the other drink and I don't want alcohol to ruin what is so good, so wonderful.
   This morning I'm just trying to let that little thing that soured my mood, go. 
   I'm blah not just because of that, but just physically drained from work. Plus the other day scared the shit out of me.
   I was at work when suddenly this excruciating sharp pain out of nowhere hit my chest, through my back and up my jaw. And those I love knew it was bad if I'm wanting to go to the hospital cuz I will avoid a hospital like the plague. I really hate hospitals. But didn't wanna take a chance from the pain I was feeling that day. Scared the shit outta me.
   I did take yesterday off work to try and chill. Stay stress free and off my leg, more like my knee that's been giving me problems.
   It did help a bit, but the more I'm on it, the worse it feels and it's driving me nuts.
   Tried to switch days with another coworker who agreed, but my supervisor denied me.
That place could care less if you fall over and die. If you're not in their group of favoritism, you're just a number, just a body to fill the space.
So, gotta go to work today even though I don't really feel that much better. 🤷‍♀️ It is what it is...
   But I'm not gonna do shit, I'm sitting down when I feel I need to, walk out to answer 2 different Drs calls I'm expecting to get and not over stressing myself.
   I'm staying off my leg/knee as much as possible today. And I already told my supervisor that I'm limited today.
Not to say I won't work, I'll work till my bones fall apart, that's life, but I sure as hell not gonna kill myself. 
And I sure as hell don't ever wanna feel the pain I felt that day again.
   But even though it scared the shit out of me and I hate hospitals, my boyfriend was at my side like the wonderful man he is and it kept me calm and not alone. 
   ...Off topic, but I can hear my cats wrestling outside my bedroom door and speeding around like a couple roadrunners, lol.
   They're sweet and cute, but they're assholes. Mainly the boy cat, Eli. He's the instigator, the bad influence on his sister Ally, lol. She doesn't really get into anything unless she sees her brother getting into something. Badass cat.
   I really hope today's gonna be a good day...
   Just don't feel like smiling at the moment. Just one of them days, no biggie. Can't smile all the time. 
   Supposed to rain today, ewww gloom. But maybe it'll keep work slow and not hectic to be able to stay off my knee, which feels painful and tight. Or that Rice Krispies sound effects as I'm either going up or down the stairs. *Snap-Crackle-Pop*. 😫
   Think I'm done jibber jabbing. Hopefully my damn hotspot on my phone will work and I can watch TV before I have to go to work.
   Anyways, as always, I hope you smile.