Today's been ok. It was my off day before the next 5 days I'll be working straight.
   I barely felt I had energy today, but it wasn't enough. I did laundry, but just felt drained today. I feel like a failure when it comes to clean cleaning our apartment. I just didn't have the energy today and it makes me feel bad that 8m not doing my part...
   I'm not looking forward to tomorrow going back to work. Lately I've just felt down...
   My heartburn makes me feel like I'm gonna choke and I'm drinking to ease the edge.
   I miss intimacy, deep kisses and cuddles. But I also understand the situation so I hold myself back hoping one of these days desire for me will ignite my soul.
   It's hard not having intimacy when you want the person so bad, to feel them, to be with them, but medications and alcohol steals their desire away and you're left wondering if you'll ever be desired again...
   Admittedly that's got me down as well as not feeling the embrace and being able to snuggle into his chest like before. The pillows steal his embrace and I'm feeling cold and undesirable. 
I try to be understanding but it still hurts even though I keep trying to convince myself it doesn't. Just feels like there's no effort in intimacy. 
   Pleasing myself is nothing compared to the real thing and I could care less for self pleasure. I just want him...
   The bed's cold, the sheets are cold when the pillows steal the embrace and I'm left to the other side feeling alone yearning for his embrace to fall asleep in...
   I don't wanna be selfish and I feel like I'm being selfish wanting from him...
   I'll love him till the day I die and afterwards, but I still want his embrace to fall asleep in and I still want to feel his desire for me.
   It's going in months since we've been intimate and somehow I feel like it's me who's unattractive and undesirable.
I threw out my sexy nighties as I don't feel it matters anymore...
   I hate alcohol, even though I swallow its poison...
   Alcohol is stealing him from me and I hate it...
   I'd pour every last bit down the sink if he decided to never touch it again. And I wish he would cuz the sober him is kind and compassionate...
   At the moment I don't see that happening tho.😒
   I just miss the intimacy, that closeness...
   I don't really feel all that ok to be honest. My body's lonely and craves touch. My lips burn with desire for that deep kiss more than a peck on the lips. And I feel selfish for wanting more...
   But I'll continue to be understanding cuz that's all I can do for now...
   Anyhow, I don't have anything else to say. I'm just not feeling great at the moment.
   ... Until next time, smile for me...