Day 3 after hurricane Ida hit, still no power, but the water finally came back on. It felt nice to finally shower.
   Sitting here bored out of my mind and as the days go by, feeling more and more down, more distant from everyone... alone...😒...
   My daughter's here, we rode the storm together until she fell asleep and I pretty much sat alone watching the distruction out my window. She'll come downstairs for a bit, but mostly likes staying in her room. So I'm alone most of the time, staring at the ceiling, staring out the window as cars pass by, staring at the floor, getting lost in thoughts and feeling like the walls of my apartment are caving in.
   I miss my love and I feel like he's distant, far and not as connected as we usually are lately. I got to hug him the other day and it felt so good, but as I watched him walk away, my heart sank cuz I didn't want him to go, I wanted him with me, I wanted to be with him...
   Fuck Covid, fuck Ida, just fuck everything right now...
   I'm usually one to hold a positive mindset, but I'm just not feeling it, I'm not feeling happy right now, I don't feel like smiling, don't remember the last time I smiled, don't really care to. I just want to sleep, just sleep and not feel anything 😒...
   And honestly, I hate to say it, ashamed to say it, a part of me wants to drink, to go numb. But, I know alcohol solves nothing, it brings no comfort, it doesn't hug you, it doesn't make you happy, it doesn't love you, it doesn't do anything but cause destruction to yourself and those around you. But I'm craving it like it's my only friend at the moment cuz no one's here and I'm feeling alone, feeling secluded and left behind when I thought I wouldn't be...
   It's ok, my emotions and mind is on overload and I'm strong, but at the moment I feel like crying, but I won't let myself in case my daughter comes downstairs. No one will see, no one will know, but sometimes, I'm tired of always being the strong one...
   I wish I could sleep right now, just sleep...
   Think I'll shut up now.
   Until next time, smile for me...