Seems a bit gloomy from the shades of the windows I haven't looked through yet. A 20 percent chance of rain.
   I forgot I had a Drs appt again this morning until I woke up later than the appt time and just felt, the hell with it.
   But after the 3rd time missing my appt no doubt the Dr is probably frustrated at my absence wasting time.
   I know it's essential towards my FMLA at work and it's an obligational dread. Cuz I already know it's the same questions with my, therapist?, psychiatrist?, whatever they're called then the end result in diagnosing me as "major depression" then upping my meds and the same thing coming for another appt. It gets frustrating cuz I don't need people telling me how I feel and throw a diagnosis out there judging by their own form of perception.
   I have down days just like anyone else. Life's hard, but I'm not majorly depressed.
   I'm feeling down today, kids don't know what to do with myself. Feeling drained yet I feel guilty for not being more productive on my day off.
   My mind's just a roller coaster of thoughts.
   My dreams haunt me, but I keep it to myself cuz my boyfriend's dreams haven't been kind and I'm not gonna add mine to his when I want him to sleep and be refreshed and have dreams that makes him smile. 
His genuine smile brightens my day.
   He's such a wonderful man, beautiful in every which way that is him. I love him so so very very much!
   He is my world, my heartbeat, my sun and my moon and I'm gonna love him till the end of time and beyond.
   Life's been busy for a while and our time together hasn't been as much as I'd like and I miss our intimacy and falling asleep with my face buried into his soft chest and feeling his arm holding me to him.
   But life is busy and getting older feeling pains, feeling drained and having to wake and repeat, I completely understand why things haven't been like they used to. 
But I know the love is there and it's strong and it's beautiful.
   He is my heaven on earth.
   Just one look into those earth eyes of his makes my heart race and his smile gives me warmth.
   I am so blessed and grateful for him, for his love and to love him.
   He's the type who's there for everyone else, thinks about everyone else besides himself. He's loyal, compassionate and thoughtful which is one of many things I love about him.
   I wish I could do more for him cuz I do want him to feel appreciated, loved and thought of. 
The world needs more beautiful people like him, it'd make the world brighter and illuminate the shadows.
He makes the world brighter just by entering a room.
   I am truly lucky and blessed... He makes me happy...❤️🥰
   I can believe Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Damn this year felt long and fast at the same time, don't know if that makes sense, but It's felt that way.
   Christmas next month and lawd, I haven't even started looking for Christmas gifts. 
It's hard finding gifts for everyone cuz I like giving something that's unique, with love and to make everyone smile.
   I swear, if I see one more add about cologne or perfume, lol, it's everywhere punching you in the face like, "Choose me, choose me?! I smell like the mountains, I smell like sex appeal!" Then you smell it and it's like a strong punch to your brain and the smell's so strong it's burnt your nose hairs away and you're smelling and tasting it like a bad aftertaste weeks later, lol.
   I used to like perfume, but past few years or more, it just gives me a headache. 😵‍💫
   I really don't know what to get anyone. But I probably should start looking.
   Been thinking about loom knitting again and making a blanket. It takes a while, but I'm kinda interested in doing it again.
   I also saw a video pop up through my feed on Facebook about resin projects and ideas. Looks pretty cool and I like crafty things.
   I need to start getting into projects or something to keep my mind busy and be productive in some way cuz I don't wanna skip in that lazy faze and get too comfortable in that.
I like doing things. But definitely have days I ain't doing doodoo.
   But it's damn near 2:30 and I've jibber jabbered enough.
Time to get my lazy ass up and do something.

...So, as always, I hope you smile...