For those of you who read my long-ass posts, lol, you'll probably notice a few of my recent posts have been deleted.

   The reason for that is because I felt I was getting a little too personal, even though I didn't really come out on some things, I tried to be vague, but I still felt it was too much to leave up, so I took it down.

   Another reason is it just felt really down, and I don't want my posts to be full of downer posts. Although I'm still keeping it real and I appreciate the kind emails from y'all who send me 'thank yous' for being someone who doesn't just post 'my world is perfectly happy all the time bullshit', I just want to keep things leveled and try to keep more positivity in my posts. As well as when I am having days I'm just not feeling my best, to not be too personal as this is a website and not some things need not to be posted. At least that's my feelings on it.

  But, doesn't mean I won't keep it real. If I'm having a shit day, I'm gonna say I'm having a shit day. If it's good, gonna say so. If I feel like talking about weird random thoughts, I'm gonna. You get the point.

   I just wanna reorganize if that makes sense.

   Hmm, today, yep, it was a shit day, but hey πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ I picked up my big gal panties and got through it.

   I went through an emotional rollercoaster today, from blah this morning, tired from being up and not sleeping well, to going into work with a very busy morning to stress, then on my break and lunch my thoughts got the best of me and I was feeling down a bit, then frustrated, then tired, then calm, then agitated, then blah, then meh, then, well just all over the place. Just one of those days.

  But, tomorrow's a new day...

   Not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, but one thing for sure is, I'm keeping my off day, lol, I'm not going to work, I'm taking a breather.

   All I need is a day. More than that being surrounded by the walls of my apartment, I start to get agitated, bored out of my mind, restless.

  ...I'm contemplating wether I should stop putting on lotion in the morning before going to work and just let my hair friz and skin dry. Yea, lotion smooths and softens the hair. But I got sniffed like a dog 4 times at work today, one customer saying, "Mmmm you smell so good" πŸ‘€πŸ˜³, "Um thanks...". Kinda reminded me of that laundry commercial where they sniff the clothes, lol, even if I thought someone smelled good, I'm not gonna be doing all that, it's just weird.

   ... I've been having a lot of nightmares lately which sucks ass. Gruesome vivid ones. Last night I slept a few hours and woke and then decided to chill under the stars for a while. 

   I used to watch motivational videos and listen to podcasts a while back. I'm thinking of maybe watching and listening right before trying to go to sleep to see if maybe it'll reroute my brain to dream better.

Kinda just think it'd be good either way just to listen to some positivity for a while, get that motivation pumping. Not that my motivation is gone, but I think my mind's been on slack of too much overthinking and letting things get to me and I wanna get out of that mode and on a more positive mindset more often.

   The world is a beautiful place, but we can cloud our own views, create our own thunderstorms if we're not careful and let our thoughts as well as other people's drama pull us down.

   Not saying not be there for friends, the people you care about or the people you love. Hell, those I love have me, I'll always be there. But it's those people who bring you down with no thought for anyone other than themselves. 

   And as with our thoughts, we can overthink until that small white puffy white cloud grows to a big dark gray cloud until eventually it storms and your being pulled under water by the floods.

   Not sure if that makes sense, but it's how I look at it. And at times I do overthink things and I get agrivated at myself for that, but I try to reorganize my thoughts.

   Tomorrow I'm off, although I had planned to just chill in my room and not do anything, just fully relax, I think I'm gonna be productive. Get my apartment cleaned for one and then maybe reorganizing my apartment, I don't know yet, but keep myself busy so I'm not overthinking and feeding the little white cloud.

   My evening can be the time I don't do shit and just be lazy. 

   ... It's weird having a bed in my room, lol. Moved in my apartment over a year ago and never got around to getting a bed till now. Just didn't really worry about it. But it's nice to finally have a bed.

   Just need to get some pillows and toss out my old ones cuz they're not very comfortable.

   I ended up getting a canopy bed. I was just gonna go with a regular one, but found the frame at a good price, so I got it and kinda always wanted one.

Hung the curtains on it yesterday. Got frustrated cuz couldn't figure out which end went where and I used 3 pairs of curtains. It turned out good, I like it.

   I really wanna reorganize my bedroom. I got so many books it's ridiculous. But not sure what to do with it all. Just wanna make more room in my bedroom and less clutter.

   ...πŸ˜‘That damn TikTok country song it stuck in my head, it's getting on my nerves, lol, I can't stand country music.

   I guess I should end it for now and try to get some sleep. Hopefully my damn sciatica or whatever the hell you call it will leave me alone tonight. It's been bugging me on and off lately.

   But, gonna end it for now.

   Until next time, I hope you smile...