Hurricane Ida is pounding hard tonight. My daughter is asleep upstairs, how she's sleeping through it is my guess, lol, but I'm sitting downstairs watching out the window as the rain and winds twists and twirls things around.

Watched a couple of trees fall. Watched siding from my apartment building as well as other apartment buildings peel away and take flight in the wind. Watched a large aluminum piece flip, twist and turn and bang against the back of my truck, rise back up into the air and twist around the mailboxes. Listened to the wind rage and howl, listened to how the rain sounded like shards of glass and metal hitting the earth and everything else it made contact with.

   And I'm feeling alone in this moment, the darkness surrounding me like a haunted hug I could care less for. An empty hug of coldness in the heat of the summer.

   And admittedly, I drank tonight, of boredom, to fill an empty void, to feel some kind of comfort, I don't know, but I'm ashamed and angry at myself for it, yet I continue to swallow because it's my only company in the moment and I only have myself to blame...

   I caved, I slipped into the weakness of feeling alone, feeling secluded...

   I know I'm strong, but tonight, I just didn't feel it, I felt weak, felt small and felt I was falling and I couldn't catch myself before I hit ground... And although I know the people I love are there for me, somehow it's in the times I need them, life makes it complicated and I fall when they can't be there. 😒.

   At the moment I feel like everyone is distant, far away. 

   And I'm one to always try to keep a positive mindset, try to make everyone smile, laugh, but I could use a smile, I could use some comfort right now and it's in these times no one's there and it sucks. But that's how it's always been for me 

   And don't get me wrong, the people I love who love me would be there for me, it's just at the moment, life had other plans, so I'm on my own at the moment and so I just gotta deal with it 🤷‍♀️, suck it up as usual...

   And not that it'll solve anything, it never does, I remembered a bottle of wine in the cupboard I had from months ago and decided to open it. I wanna sleep but I can't, I wanna be held, but I can't, I wanna feel comforted but I can't, I don't wanna feel alone, but I can't.

   Tonight I'm not feeling ok...

   Tomorrow's a new day though, I'm just gonna get through tonight and tomorrow regain the badass woman I know I am. I'm just not having a good night. I'm just not feeling very happy at the moment 😒...

   I'm not perfect, I'm only human, but be sure I'll always pick myself back up...

   I'm done talking.

   Goodnight.

   Until next time, smile for me...