Had a day off today. Needed it. Still waiting on the internet person to show up who was supposed to be here at 8 this morning and it's going on 5 now🙄. 

   Day's been good. Non stressful which I needed a chill day. Got a lot on my mind though. But usually always do.

   Been sleeping good lately, of course I always sleep better next to my love. Only thing that seems to continue is the nightmares, just can't seem to shake them. But waking up from them and being able to cuddle up next to my love puts me at ease and I can fall back asleep in his comfort.

   The past couple of nights when I woke, I watched him sleep for a bit. He was lying on his back instead of his favorite comfortable position on his side and I just watched as the little bit of light from the window gave just enough light to make his face slightly glow.

   He looked so incredibly gorgeous, an angel and I wanted to caress my palm to his cheek, stroke his face and kiss his forehead, but I held back cuz I didn't want to wake him. I couldn't help but just smile and breathe in that moment next to him, the beauty of those simple moments of him sleeping. And I'm wondering what he's dreaming about, if he's dreaming at all. All I knew is that he looked peaceful and so beautiful and I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

   I do, whether asleep or awake, sometimes I look over at him when he doesn't notice and I just take him in, just admire his beauty and it's not just the exterior of him, but the interior of his being. And I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to of met him, to have him in my life, to love him, to be loved by him. And I appreciate him, admire him, am inspired by him in so many ways.

   I've never been one to look too far into the future as tomorrow could change, people change, life changes, etc., but for a while now, I look at him and I could see myself growing old with him. I just couldn't picture a world without him in my life at this point.

   I love him so very much, so deeply. And when I look at him I not only see life, I feel life, I feel home, I feel free.

   It's like my heart knew there was a place in this world, but it would find it's way there when the time was right, when it's meant to be. Cuz, and maybe it sounds silly, but just feels like my heart was always meant for him, to belong to him and it does. My heart is fully his and it's with him is where it's gonna stay...

   I used to laugh and call bullshit on the saying, "Love finds you when you're not looking for it". I would be like, surrrrre, enjoy that Hollywood movie fictional love story, I hope you find it. But, then he came into my life. I wasn't looking for him, hell I wasn't looking for anyone. I was getting out of a shit hole marriage, I had no desire for a man or a relationship. I was hard set on fuck no, lol. But, there was just something about him that pulled me in and I was hesitant, I kept asking myself, what the hell is it about him. Then I'd argue with myself and tell myself, no, absolutely not, he's handsome, but nah, fuck that, you're gonna leave men and relationships out the door, we ain't doing that.

But, I just couldn't fight the pull and the 1st few times he got close enough to where I could see his eyes, it was like I was locked in, like I saw something in him, beyond the smile, beyond the exterior, but I didn't know what, but I was curious. There was a story behind those earth eyes and I wanted to know more. 

   And the more I got to know him, the more I saw him for him. He's always been honest and truthful, one of the things I've not only admired but respected, but during the downs, I could see him and I used to tell him, "I see you", cuz I did and I still do.

   We've rode some waves, but the love is strong and no matter whatever waves may be ahead, I'm right beside him where I'll always be.

   He truly is a wonderful man and I'm smiling as I'm writing this cuz I'm thinking of his smile, like sunshine on a rainy day making rainbows. Like moonlight in the night and glowing stars. Like vibrant colored flowers and the greenest of trees. He is pure beauty to me, pure heaven and I love him so so very much...🥰

   Look at me, rambling on again, lol. Eh 🤷‍♀️  can't help myself, especially when it comes to my love 🥰.

   Time I go make myself productive, lol.

   Until next time, I hope you smile.