I can't sleep, my mind's on constant overload and all I want is to be with my love holding him right now instead of this cold ass apartment. 

   Bought a magnetic thing to cover the vent since my daughter likes to keep her artic temp settings. Wasn't very fun trying to put it up to the vent on my ceiling being short. I felt like I could of won a gold medal in the Olympics for my acrobatics in getting that damn thing up there, but at the same time, won worlds dumbest in falling afterwards, but hey, I got in on 🤷‍♀️. 

Don't tell a short gal she can't cuz be ready to be proven otherwise.

   Still fucking cold in here, but not as bad as feeling the blast of opening my door to go to the bathroom. I feel like I need to dress for winter just to pee.

   Lol, reminds me of the movie Cool Runnings when the guys from Jamaica go up to Canada and never experience below freezing cold weather and their coach who's played by John Candy walks right out into the freezing weather like it's nothing, that's my daughter, doesn't give a shit, loves the cold weather, me, I'm the dudes who walk out and run back to put on every item of clothing I own just to stay warm, lol. I do not like the cold.

That was a good movie, haven't seen it in a long while and is based off of a true story.

   I love the line, "Sanka, you dead mon?" and he'll reply, no, lol. And never could figure out how the hell his lucky egg never broke or cracked, lol.

If you haven't seen it, it's a must see. It's on top of one of my favorite movies amongst many.

   Definitely gonna have to search it up now that I'm thinking about it.

   ...The night's quiet. Half tempted to go sit outside, but don't really feel like going downstairs. Don't really feel like doing anything.

Glad I'm off tomorrow, or should I say today. I just feel physically drained. 

   ...I miss my love, I miss his comfort, I miss his smile, I miss his embrace, I miss him...Home...

   ...I don't know if he sees it or knows it, but he's one of the strongest people I know, no matter the battles he faces, the ones he's facing now, I see his strength and I have no doubt in my mind that he'll conquer. You see, he's not just a warrior, he's a king and he leads with greatness, an untouchable greatness in him. And although he may fall sometimes, he doesn't stay down for long, he gets right back up stronger than ever.

   And you know what makes a great king to me? A great king isn't in how many battles he's won, or in the kingdom he owns, but a great king is what and why he fights his battles with. Is his armor made from the fires of greed or is it made from the fires of love and compassion and with the thought of others as well as the wanting to be a better person for themselves. 

I don't know if I'm making any sense, lol, but I guess to sum it up, we face battles in our lives from family issues, health issues, money struggles, addiction struggles, loss, etc., but when we're facing these battles are we fighting for the better outcome, the better change, the positive change, improvement, etc., Or are we fighting cuz we want more more more?

   Sometimes we fight battles and we don't care who gets knocked down in our path, who gets hurt as long as we get what we want and that is greed.

But a battle fought with compassion or improvement for oneself and or others, that is what I mean by a great king. But there's so much more to him that I see in him and I could try to explain, but he's beyond words.

   But, I still don't know if I'm making sense, lol.

   There's so much chaos and bullshit in this world, so much carelessness, heartlessness and so much greed that people who think that just because they own fancy things and have big houses and tons of friends, etc., that they're kings and queens that they're above everyone, but nah, I've known poor people who were kings and queens and didn't have a dime to their name.

   To me, it is the heart and soul within that makes a king or queen, the fighter, the one with strength that stands up after falling not because they want what everyone else has, not because they tripped and they wanna get up to do the same shit no matter who they hurt, no, it's because no matter what is thrown at them, they get up with the determination to do better for themselves and others, especially those they love and care about. They get up because they themselves become wiser and grow and even though we're all human and gonna make mistakes, a king or queen will always remind themselves to get back up and start again because they have the strength, wisdom, compassion and love within themselves to do so and the ability. A true king and queen holds love within themselves that shines out towards others. They lead, but never see themselves above you as they stand beside you. They're loyal and truthful, brave and trustworthy and they're there for you even when they're facing their own battles because that is their love and compassion and loyalty. They'll never let those they love and care about fall if they can help it. That is a king and queen...

   I don't know where I'm going with all this, I have a tendency to ramble on. I probably should sleep, but I'm wide awake. It's just gonna be a night I don't sleep. No biggie, I get those nights. Sleep will come when it comes.

   Don't know why, but I'm craving ice cold chocolate milk...Nah, I'm craving an ice cold Monster Java Moca, I love those things, mmmm.

   I'm thirsty for anything other than water though. Something with flavor. 

Nah, I want one of those Mocas...

   I could live off of them they're so good, but not good drinking too many. I'd probably look like some jittery crackhead, my eyeballs all wide like I'm about to bite someone or something if I drank too many, lol. Oh then when my sciatica starts acting up and I'm tryna stretch my leg out, but I'm pumped with so much caffeine that I kick out too hard still bug-eyed jittery probably end up double kicking and being at work, lol, might kick some kid in the forehead or someone's grandma on a scooter 🤣🤣🤣.

   Lol, the stupid shit that goes through my mind.

   Think I'm gonna shut up for now and just find something to do, watch TV or something other than think, although telling myself good luck with that. Too much on my mind and I'm just tryna think positive, just tryna stay positive...

    At the moment the rain falls through the sunshine, but deep down I know, the shadows of the day and night will clear once again and my moon will shine once more and the strength of my oak will thrive and reach the skies once more. I know that in my heart....

   It's just sometimes you gotta face the storms, but haven't you ever noticed after a good rain, how beautiful the flowers look, how green the trees are?...

   Goodnight/good morning, I hope you smile...