Couldn't sleep, go figure. And it would be a day I'd have work before the ass-crack of dawn. Be nice if I didn't have to go in until later or I was off to get some sleep cuz of course I'm feeling I could sleep now, but would be no point having to get up in a half hour.
   Oh well 🤷‍♀️.
   Had a lot on my mind. Worrying, stressed, feeling the weight of everything and trying to keep everything together.
   Haven't been doing a very good job at it.
   Started drinking more than I should be; in a way I told myself I never would again.
   I mean one night once in a while get a little goofy was fine, but my dumb ass ended up being taken in an ambulance into the ER because of it and I'm losing time where I don't remember shit some nights. It's not cool.
I don't wanna be like that. And I didn't drink for a day, or tried to and I was getting all agitated and shaky and trying to hide it made it worse cuz I looked stiff but still shaky. Just bullshit embarrassing and disappointed in myself.
   I made a Drs apt, I'm getting my shit straight and I'm sticking to it.
   There's pills to help, I'm gonna talk to the Dr about it.
   Either way, I want no urges or cravings or withdrawals, I wanna be sober.
   I don't wanna miss out on anything, moments.
   Nor do I wanna make myself sick where it lessens years with those I love dearly, my children and boyfriend. I wanna be present in every moment with them. 
   I just think there's more to life than the bottle and I feel like I've been putting alcohol before everything and everyone, which naw, my 4 heartbeats are the ones who come before that, they're my life, my breath and I choose them over alcohol because they're pure life and I never wanna miss out on life with them because I'm boozed up.
   Here I am rambling 🤷‍♀️ my bad.
   Y'all already know I keep it real here. I don't bullshit that, "life is perfect".  We all going through shit. We up, we down and purpose of this personal blog is to relate and maybe even be, hey I don't feel so alone in this shit, things gonna be alright.
   Time I get ready for work.
   Main thing, no matter the bullshit that weighs on our shoulders, it's important to remind ourselves of the positive in our life. We get so focused on what can go wrong instead of what's going right.
   Shits gonna happen in life, we can either face it or let it take us down.
   Indeed there's gonna be times life's gonna knock you down, but it's just a reminder that you're a soldier, soldiers get wounded, but they take the time they need to heal then get up to fight again. If we didn't go through tough dark times, we'd never appreciate the good.
   ...I hope you smile today...