What's the meaning of life?...
   Have you ever thought about that question?...
   Couldn't sleep so scrolled Netflix looking for something else to watch after watching a suspense thriller movie.
I wanted to watch something different and I kinda suck at finding something quick, but I came across a limited series called, 'My Love Six Stories of True Love' and it showed an elderly couple as the cover, so I let the trailer play. The trailer just made me smile because the elderly couple were happy and I love to see people happy enjoying life. So I gave it a shot and clicked play. 
I wanted to watch something happy instead of murder mysteries, fiction, etc. Something real I guess.
  I just finished the 1st episode of a couple named Ginger and David who've been married for 60 years. It shows them living life, enjoying life, spending time with their family, doing things they enjoy, sharing love, embracing love. 
   So to answer that question, "What's the meaning of life?", for me, that's the meaning...
   The whole episode I got into my feels, I became mush and the waterworks turned on throughout. Not because I was sad, but it just made me happy to see the beauty in their lives, the love, the smiles and it's what life's about and I was truly happy for these strangers on my TV. Plus I love seeing old people who're are in love holding hands and smiling.
There was a part where they were on a ferry or boat and Ginger started singing while they were holding hands enjoying the ride and David joined in and the both were smiling and then laughed together and cue the waterworks, lol, but it was beautiful and I love seeing such beauty, that special kind of love and happiness.
   Ya know we all have dreams and of course when we're young our dreams can be whoppers, lol, I did want to be a musician and a singer, then a writer becoming an author. I still wanna write a book and be published one day, but deep down what I've always truly wanted and still do is what I watched in that episode, true lasting love, family, friendship, doing things I enjoy with the ones I love, growing old with the man I love, living on a piece of land, maybe not as huge as that couple had, lawd, lol, but a nice piece of land with a little pond with ducks and turtles, some chickens, a goat, a donkey, a horse, an area of sunflowers and oh how I love the way dandelions grow amongst the grass. And trees. And a comfy home, nothing fancy, I'm not about fancy things, but a nice home that's comfortable with the man I love which is what will make it a home to me.
   And I've thought about that even before watching this documentary show. 
Thought about me and him sharing a home one day, sitting on the porch together or laying in the grass looking up at the stars, growing old together still so much in love.
   ...And maybe one day if he ever wants to offer, carry his name... Because my love for him is final, I want no one but him and my heart has already found its home within him and it's his to keep forever.
   But I will never ask, never push, I accept each day as it comes, but that is my dream, what I want.
   I guess I got all mushy watching it because it's something I'd love, that happiness, that love to last through time, that beauty, the laughter. And of course I know the couple no doubt had their struggles like everyone does, but there was a part where David said that when they had disagreements, they never cursed at each other etc., they talked it out and it was solved within a day or two. I think that's a beautiful mature part of a relationship is when you can communicate without fighting.
My last relationship, I'm not gonna get too personal, but all I'll say is it was so unhealthy the fighting and the yelling. It solves nothing and there's no point in it.
   My relationship now, it feels so wonderful being with someone that I'm free with and there isn't arguments or yelling and that's how a relationship should be in my opinion, you should be able to communicate with each other. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life.
   He is what I hope my son's grow to be in their character, respectful, compassionate, loving, thoughtful, etc. And my son's are wonderful themselves as is my daughter.
   ...What is the meaning of life?
   Simple, it is the love that surrounds, the smiles that you give, the smiles that you receive, the laughter you share, the moments you share, the hugs shared, the ups and downs you face, and those ups and downs you face unalone with someone at your side, it's the love you give and the love you share, the gnome and butterfly kisses, the smelling of the flowers, the feeling of the rain on your skin, the appreciation of those good people in your life and life in general. 
It's not the material things this world has been so brainwashed and seduced into that gotta have it all. Of course we like nice things, we all buy things we don't really need cuz we want it, and we overwork ourselves just to end the day and repeat the next day.
   And indeed many have no choice but to overwork with the way the country is so expensive and wages are barely livable, but I never wanna forget the meaning of life and miss out on enjoying life.
   I'd rather be poor and rich in love than rich in money and poor in love and die alone in material things.
   When it's my time to go, I wanna be old and gray holding the man I love's hand or in his arms, who's grown old with me...
   ...I used to have this feeling since I was young that I'd never make it to old age, I could never see myself old. Sometimes I wonder if it was a part of that mental side of my brain who's dealt with so much pain and horror throughout the years that my brain wanted to give me a break, a way out, that the suffering would end early. Sounds silly maybe, but now that I'm older and I'm free from that pain and I've finally found love and happiness, I don't see that no more, I can see myself growing old with the man I love, watching my children grow old and I've even pictured his children and my children coming together growing older and being happy enjoying life. 
   I'm in my mushy feels tonight/morning I guess since it's little after 2am. Guess I'm up for the rest of the night being I got an early shift at work this morning. Blahhh, lol.
   Guess I'll watch a few more episodes and hope the waterworks don't reactivate gosh darnit, lol. 
   Eh, we all get our days when we're in our feels. Kinda been in them past few days. 🤷‍♀️
   Well, that's enough rambling jibber-jabbin for now.
   Until next time, I hope you smile...